DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Roald Kvam 2023

You can move from anger to gratitude when confronted during a conversation where stakes are high.

Here are three steps to refocusing your brain:

(1) As you begin the discussion, start by examining your motives. Ask yourself what you really want.

(2) As the conversation moves forward, pay attention to what’s happening to your objectives. Are you starting to save face? Save embarrassment? Win? Be right? Or punish others?

Realize that our motives change without us thinking about it. In order to move back to motives that benefit dialogue, you MUST step away from the conversation and look at yourself like an outsider… Ask yourself: What am I doing? And if I had to guess, what does it tell me about my underlying motives?

(3) Ask yourself:

What do I really want for myself?
What do I really want for others?
What do I really want for my relationship?

Then:

How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

Why do this?

Simply because it reminds you of your goal… Asking yourself abstract, complex questions will literally pull your body out of fight or flight mode.

If you want to learn more about Crucial Conversations and tools for talking when stakes are high, feel free to reach out to http://www.dreieskiva.com for courses and coaching.