DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

To notice when safety is at risk in crucial conversations, learn to look for CONTENT (what) and CONDITIONS (why) of the conversation.

The sooner you notice conditions have changed, the sooner you can change it. It takes knowledge and practice to know what to look for, and then actually see it.

What do you look for?

1) The moment a conversation turns crucial.
2) Signs that people don’t feel safe: Silence or Violence.
3) Your own style under stress (ref Persolog Personality Factor Model).

Spotting crucial conversations:

1) Notice physical signals; sweaty hands, dry mouth or eyes, loud heartbeat.
2) Notice emotional signals; scared, hurt, angry.
3) Notice behavioral signals; raising voice, pointing finger, getting quiet.

Learn to look for safety problems
Watch for signs that people are afraid. Nothing kills the flow of meaning like fear. Fear reduces your ability to see beyond yourself. Pulling back from content and watching for fear opens your ability to see:

1) When it’s safe, you can say ANYTHING.
2)When you fear people aren’t buying into your ideas, you PUSH HARD(fight).
3) When you fear harm, you become SILENT (flight).

People feel unsafe because of the conditions, not content, of a conversation.

There are TWO CONDITIONS required for safety. People feel safe when they:

1) Believe the other person has their best interests at heart (motives).
2) Respect the other person’s opinion (ability).

If you want to learn more about Crucial Conversations and tools for talking when stakes are high, feel free to reach out to http://www.dreieskiva.com for courses and coaching.