DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Roald Kvam 2023

In short: Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Let us listen to Dale Carnegie, author of «How to Win Friends & Influence People», as he explains that he once attended a dinner party where he met a botanist whom he found to be absolutely fascinating:

He listened for hours with excitement as the botanist spoke of exotic plants and indoor gardens, until the party ended and everyone left.

Before leaving, the botanist told the host of the dinner party that Carnegie was a “most interesting conversationalist” and gave him several compliments.

Of course, Carnegie had hardly said anything at all. What he had done was listen intently. He listened because he was genuinely interested.

“And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk,” Carnegie notes.

Even the most ill-tempered person, the most violent critic, will often be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.

Take for example, a store clerk. If the clerk constantly interrupts and irritates customers, those customers are more likely to start arguments and bring frustrations and complaints to the store manager. But a clerk who is willing to listen could calm even a customer who storms in already angry.

Most of us are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don’t truly listen when someone else is speaking. Yet, most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.

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«If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.» (Dale Carnegie)
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Remember that the people we are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their own problems than they are in us and our problems…

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Source & Inspiration: «How to Win Friends & Influence People» (Dale Carnegie, Andrew MacMillan, et al.)