People usually have two reasons for doing things. One that sounds good. And the real one…
A person will recognize on his own the real reason he does something. We don’t need to point it out. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good.
In order to change people, we must appeal to the nobler motives.
Take, for example, a landlord who had a tenant that decided he was going to break his lease four months early. The landlord could have handled the situation by pointing to their contract and listing all the consequences that would follow, but he instead had a talk with the tenant and said:
“Mister, I have listened to your story and I still don’t believe you intend to move. I sized you up when I first met you as being a man of your word. Take a few days to think it over, and if you still intend to move, I will accept your decision as final.”
The result?
The tenant concluded that the only honorable thing to do was to live up to his lease. By appealing to the tenant’s nobler motives, the landlord was able to persuade him successfully.
Most people are honest and want to fulfill their obligations. In most cases, people will react favorably if we make them feel that we consider them honest, upright, and fair.
Let’s NIKE it: Just Do It!
When you’re trying to convince someone to do something, start by thinking of a few positive traits that that person tries hard to embody (or conversely, would be ashamed to be told he does not have).
For example, most people aim to be responsible, fair, wise, and diligent…
Work these ideas in when you mention to your son that you know he’s extremely responsible about his chores, so you were surprised to see that he didn’t make his bed this morning or when you tell your boss that you respect his fairness when it comes to deciding who deserves a promotion.
In short:
Raise the bar! Appeal to the nobler motives. And let the other person decide whether they will live up to those motives or not.
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Source & Inspiration: «How to Win Friends & Influence People» (Dale Carnegie, Andrew MacMillan, et al.)
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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