Leadership has long been surrounded by myths, stereotypes, and oversimplifications. In many workplaces, leadership is still equated with authority — the person at the top telling others what to do. This command-and-control model has roots in industrial-era management and military hierarchies. But while it may look like leadership on the surface, it misses the essence of what makes leadership effective, sustainable, and truly transformative.
True leadership is not about power over people; it is about power with people. It is less about issuing instructions and more about building trust, vision, and resilience in teams. When we move past the myth of leadership as “giving orders,” we begin to see a richer and more human picture of what leadership really entails.
The myth: Leadership as command
The simplest version of leadership is also the most misleading. Many assume that to lead is to control: to assign tasks, set deadlines, and monitor compliance. This “telling people what to do” model appeals to our desire for order and clarity, and it persists because it is visible and easy to measure. A leader’s voice is heard; instructions are followed; outcomes are produced.
Yet this model overlooks two realities of human behavior:
- People are not machines. Motivation, creativity, and commitment cannot be ordered into existence.
- Complex challenges require more than obedience. Today’s organizations face problems that demand collaboration, adaptability, and innovation.
In short, leadership reduced to command may achieve compliance, but it rarely inspires commitment.
The reality: Leadership as a multifaceted practice
Leadership, in truth, is a set of interwoven qualities and practices. It is not one-dimensional but a dynamic balance of integrity, vision, empathy, influence, and self-awareness. Let’s explore these dimensions in depth.
1. Integrity: The foundation of Trust
Leadership begins with integrity — the alignment between values, words, and actions. A leader without integrity may still command obedience, but trust will be absent, and trust is the currency of influence.
Integrity shows up when leaders:
- Admit mistakes rather than deflect blame.
- Keep promises, even when inconvenient.
- Make decisions consistent with stated values.
Research consistently shows that employees’ trust in leadership directly affects engagement, morale, and performance.
Integrity is not optional; it is the bedrock on which all other leadership practices rest.
2. Casting a Vision: Seeing Beyond the Horizon
People are motivated by meaning as much as by tasks. Great leaders articulate a compelling vision that frames work in the context of something larger. A vision answers the question, “Why does this matter?”
Consider how Nelson Mandela cast a vision of reconciliation in post-apartheid South Africa. Vision provides direction and energy, turning routine work into purpose-driven contribution.
3. The Use of Influence: Beyond Authority
Authority can compel action, but influence inspires it. Influence grows from credibility, expertise, and authentic relationships. Leaders with strong influence do not need to rely on hierarchy; their words and actions carry weight because people trust and respect them.
This is especially critical in flat or networked organizations where formal authority is limited. In such contexts, the ability to influence across boundaries becomes more important than positional power.
4. The Use of Power: Exercising Responsibility
Power itself is neutral; its use determines its value. Poor leaders misuse power to dominate, silence, or manipulate. Wise leaders use power to resolve conflicts, protect vulnerable voices, and allocate resources fairly.
The ethical exercise of power requires self-control and humility. Leaders must continually ask: Am I using this power to serve the mission and my people, or to serve myself?
5. Praising the Team: Recognizing Contributions
Recognition fuels motivation. Yet too many leaders underestimate the importance of praising their teams. Research from Gallup shows that employees who receive regular recognition are more engaged, more productive, and less likely to leave.
Effective recognition is not about flattery or generic praise. It is about noticing specific contributions and affirming their impact. A simple, genuine “I saw how you handled that challenge — it made a difference” can carry immense weight.
6. Self-Awareness: Leading Yourself First
Leadership begins with self-leadership. Self-awareness involves knowing one’s strengths, blind spots, triggers, and motivations. Leaders lacking self-awareness risk projecting their frustrations onto teams, making reactive decisions, or ignoring feedback.
On the other hand, self-aware leaders model humility, openness, and growth. They invite input, regulate their emotions, and adjust their behavior in light of feedback.
Self-awareness is foundational to all other aspects of effective leadership.
7. Listening First, Speaking Last
Many assume leadership requires always having the answer. In reality, the best leaders often speak the least. By listening first and speaking last, leaders:
- Gather diverse perspectives.
- Build ownership by valuing others’ input.
- Make more informed decisions.
Listening is not passive; it is a powerful act of respect and strategy.
8. Empathy: Leading with Humanity
Perhaps the most underestimated dimension of leadership is empathy — the ability to step into another’s perspective and feel with them.
Empathy humanizes leadership, reminding us that teams are made of people, not just roles or resources.
Empathetic leaders:
- Notice when an employee is struggling.
- Consider the human impact of organizational decisions.
- Create environments where people feel seen and valued.
In healthcare, education, and social enterprises, empathy is not just a virtue — it is a necessity for sustainable leadership.
More than orders: Why this matters
Why does it matter that leadership is more than giving orders? Because organizations, communities, and societies rise or fall on the quality of their leadership.
- In workplaces, poor leadership results in disengagement, turnover, and stagnation. Good leadership creates innovation, loyalty, and growth.
- In communities, authoritarian leadership breeds fear and compliance, while empathetic leadership builds resilience and trust.
- In families and friendships, leadership shows up in integrity, listening, and encouragement, shaping relational health across generations.
Leadership is not a title; it is a daily practice that influences culture, performance, and human well-being.
The challenge for leaders
If leadership is so much more than giving orders, what does this mean for leaders today? It means embracing leadership as a craft that requires ongoing growth. Leaders must ask:
- Am I trusted because of my integrity?
- Do I communicate vision, or only tasks?
- Do I rely on authority, or have I built influence?
- Do I use power responsibly and ethically?
- Do I regularly affirm and recognize my team?
- Am I self-aware and open to feedback?
- Do I listen more than I speak?
- Do I lead with empathy?
Answering these questions honestly is not always comfortable, but it is necessary for genuine leadership development.
From control to influence
Leadership is not about telling people what to do. It is about shaping environments where people want to give their best.
It is about integrity, vision, empathy, and listening. It is about using influence more than authority, and recognition more than criticism.
The old myth of leadership as command may produce short-term compliance, but it will never unlock the full potential of people. Real leadership is relational, ethical, and visionary. It calls leaders to serve, to listen, to guide — and to do so with humanity.
When we embrace this fuller picture of leadership, we move from control to influence, from command to collaboration, from authority to trust. And in that shift lies the power to transform not only organizations but lives.
In remembrance of my dad – Sept 2025.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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