DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Many of us spend years—sometimes decades—believing that true intimacy and the assurance of being wanted lie somewhere out there in the future.
We imagine that once we meet the right person, once we achieve the right success, or once we finally fix ourselves, then we will experience the connection we long for.

It’s a tempting idea. After all, most of our culture tells us intimacy is earned—through perfection, performance, or possession. But what if that’s a mirage? What if the intimacy you’re longing for isn’t waiting at the end of some long journey, but is available here and now, in the simple, sometimes uncomfortable reality of Presence?

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The problem with “someday” intimacy

When intimacy is tied to a “someday,” we’re always just slightly out of reach of it. We live in almost, not yet, and maybe soon. This creates a subtle but persistent scarcity in our hearts—one that keeps us seeking but rarely resting.

And here’s the challenge: in chasing a future moment of connection, we can overlook the relationships and opportunities for intimacy that are already around us.

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Presence as the doorway

Presence—the act of being fully here, without distraction or pretense—changes the equation.

When you are present:

• You listen without rushing to respond.
• You see without immediately judging.
• You allow yourself to be seen as you truly are, without editing for approval.

Life is a series of moments. Be present! – Roald Kvam

It’s in Presence that intimacy naturally emerges, because Presence says, I’m here with you now. And in that “here,” something powerful happens—you begin to experience that you already are wanted, already are enough, already belong.

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The paradox of being wanted

The feeling of being wanted isn’t something others hand to you like a certificate. It’s something you notice when you slow down enough to feel it.

You might discover:

• A friend who always lights up when you call.
• A team member who seeks your input because they value your perspective.
• A partner whose quiet presence beside you is a constant “yes” to who you are.

These moments don’t require you to be more accomplished, more healed, or more perfect—they simply require you to be present enough to receive them.

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For leaders: Intimacy is a leadership skill

In leadership, the same principle applies. Teams thrive when leaders are present—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally engaged.
When a leader listens deeply, acknowledges vulnerability, and is unafraid to share their own, they cultivate trust. And trust is the soil where both performance and genuine human connection grow.

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So—when will you find it?

Maybe the better question is: When will you stop postponing it?
The intimacy you long for might not be in some future version of your life. It might be sitting quietly in the room with you, waiting for you to look up and notice.

True intimacy and the assurance of being wanted are not rewards for arriving at the perfect destination. They are the gifts of Presence—the ones that have been within reach all along.