Grace: A Different Leadership Culture

Shame holds you back. Grace sets you free. Lead from that freedom! – Roald Kvam

Leadership often demands strength, vision, and decisiveness. But beneath the surface, many leaders carry a silent burden: shame. Not guilt—the recognition of having done something wrong—but shame: the painful sense that something is wrong with me. It’s the whisper that says, “You should have known better,” “You weren’t enough,” or “You failed them.”

This shame can become a quiet, invisible chain that holds us back—especially as we reflect on earlier decisions, missed opportunities, or ways we led when we didn’t yet know what we know today.

And yet, growth means acknowledging this hard truth:

The old you did the best you could—with the insight, strength, and capacity you had at the time.

That’s not an excuse. It’s grace.

The weight of shame in leadership

Shame doesn’t usually announce itself loudly in the boardroom. It shows up in subtle ways:

Reluctance to delegate because you fear losing control.
Overcompensating with perfectionism to cover past mistakes.
Avoiding feedback because you associate critique with personal failure.
Hesitating to mentor others because you feel unqualified.

These behaviors can sabotage the very culture of trust and growth you want to cultivate. Shame creates defensiveness and detachment. Grace creates resilience and connection.

You’re NOT that person anymore

Leadership is a journey of becoming. You are NOT the same leader you were five years ago—or even last year. The decisions you made then were based on what you knew then. And if you’re growing, that past version of you may now make you cringe.

That’s okay. It means you’ve changed.

Shame keeps you stuck in that old snapshot. Grace lets you update the story. It says: “I didn’t have all the tools I needed then. I do now. I forgive myself. And I’ll keep learning.”

Embracing a grace-filled leadership culture

A grace-filled leader becomes a powerful agent of transformation—not only for themselves, but for others.

When you model self-compassion, your team feels permission to grow without fear of humiliation. You create a culture where:

Mistakes are seen as part of mastery, not reasons for exclusion.
Vulnerability becomes strength, not weakness.
People are invited to grow, not punished for not knowing.

As the leader, you go first. You make peace with your past, so others can make peace with theirs.

Moving forward

So what do we do when shame surfaces?

Name it. Silence gives shame its power. Say it out loud. Share it with a trusted peer or mentor.
Frame it. Ask: “What did I need back then that I didn’t have?” Perspective creates compassion.
Reclaim it. Let your past become a source of wisdom, not bondage. The best mentors are those who’ve wrestled honestly with their own missteps.
Extend it. Give grace to those you lead. People will rise when they know their humanity is safe with you.