In today’s culture, there’s a dominant narrative that sounds empowering on the surface but is quietly eroding our collective well-being. It goes something like this:
“You are your own project. Build yourself. Prove yourself. Become the best version of you.”
At first glance, it feels like freedom. No limitations. Total agency. But look closer. Beneath the glow of “limitless potential” lies a darker truth: when you are the architect, builder, and evaluator of your own value, your identity is always under construction—and never fully at rest.
This is the core of the self-project view of humanity. And while it’s marketed as self-empowerment, it often results in burnout, anxiety, shallow relationships, and a fragile sense of worth.
Let’s unpack why. But 1st: I come from a created identity view on humanity. This off course colours this article. I know. And you don’t have to agree a bit. Still, maybe we can learn something more about ourselves.
Success becomes identity
In the self-project view, your value is only as strong as your latest accomplishment. You land the promotion, close the deal, get the praise—and for a moment, you feel worthy.
But what happens when the applause fades?
If your identity is fused with success, you’re always performing. Always proving. Always afraid of falling behind. Life becomes a scoreboard. And when you’re not winning, you’re not sure you matter.
You may start to chase goals not because they align with your soul, but because they validate your existence.
Failure becomes shame
When you’re the sole evaluator of your worth, every failure feels personal. Not just “I made a mistake,” but “I am a mistake.”
This is why perfectionism is rampant today. It’s not just about high standards—it’s about avoiding the emotional cost of falling short. The self-project view doesn’t leave room for grace. If you stumble, your entire sense of self wavers.
You learn to hide. To spin your flaws. To retreat into image management instead of real growth.
And slowly, you lose access to authenticity—the very thing that makes you human.
Progress is never enough
Here’s the lie at the heart of the self-project view: you can finally be at peace once you become your ideal self.
But the finish line keeps moving. There’s always more to optimize. More to fix. More to level up. You lose weight—then need to tone. You succeed—then feel like an impostor. You hit a goal—then raise it.
Your inner critic is never satisfied. You trade presence for performance. And the joy of simply being alive is buried under the pressure to be better.
Peace is always just one achievement away
If your self-worth is conditional, then peace is postponed.
You’ll tell yourself:
- “I’ll rest once I’ve earned it.”
- “I’ll feel enough when I’ve proven I’m not a failure.”
- “I’ll be happy when I’ve become the version of me that finally deserves it.”
But peace doesn’t come after performance. It comes from knowing your worth isn’t on trial. That you can live, grow, and even fail from a place of security—not anxiety.
The human cost: Disconnection, exhaustion, and loneliness
What’s the result of this worldview at scale?
- Leaders who mask vulnerability and suffer in silence.
- Friends who feel more like personal brands than people.
- Burned-out parents, partners, professionals—struggling to be everything to everyone.
- A society obsessed with self-improvement, but starved of self-acceptance.
In the name of “building ourselves,” we forget how to belong to ourselves. We disconnect from our bodies, our emotions, our community. Because everything becomes a means to an end: proving we’re enough.
There’s a better way: From project to person
What if you were never meant to be a self-project?
What if your worth wasn’t something to achieve, but something to receive?
This isn’t weakness. It’s freedom.
Because once you believe your value is not up for debate, you begin to live differently:
- Success becomes an offering—not a requirement.
- Failure becomes feedback—not a verdict.
- Growth becomes response—not pressure.
- Rest becomes a right—not a reward.
You stop performing. And you start being—present, connected, human.
You are not a brand. You are a soul.
The self-project view might promise power, but it quietly robs you of what matters most: peace, presence, and connection.
You were not made to market yourself. You were made to live.
So breathe. Lay down the blueprint. And come home to yourself—not as a project to fix, but as a person to honor.
Because at your core, you are not something to construct.
You are someone to be.
And that is enough.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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