Over the past 30 years, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside individuals, teams, and organizations as they navigate change, shape their culture, build capacity, and pursue long-term, sustainable growth.
I believe in people! I love everything in and between humans.
And am constantly seeking to learn more – and understand how we can take care and challenge each other better. Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg gives us an interesting framework in his book «Nonviolent Communication: A language of life». It’s core idea is communicate with empathy and honesty — so that everyone’s needs are heard and met without coercion, blame, or defensiveness.
Let’s explore…
The purpose of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication framework that helps people connect more compassionately and resolve conflicts peacefully. It encourages expressing ourselves with honesty without criticism or judgment, and listening with empathy without defensiveness or fixing.
At its heart is this belief:
«All human behavior is an attempt to meet a need.»
The 4 components of NVC
NVC involves four practical steps:
1. Observation — What’s actually happening?
- State what you see or hear without judgment or interpretation.
- Example: “When I saw that the report was submitted after the deadline…”
2. Feelings — How do you feel about it?
- Express emotions (not thoughts or evaluations).
- Example: “…I felt frustrated and concerned.”
3. Needs — What universal human need is behind the feeling?
- Feelings point to unmet (or met) needs such as respect, clarity, safety, belonging, etc.
- Example: “…because I have a need for reliability and clear communication.”
4. Request — What would enrich your life?
- Make a clear, doable, positive action request (not a demand).
- Example: “Would you be willing to let me know by Wednesday if you might be delayed?”
When used together, this approach fosters clarity, trust, and connection — even in tense situations.
The two sides of communication in NVC
- Honestly expressing yourself
→ Without blaming, criticizing, or manipulating. - Empathetically receiving others
→ Listening for feelings and needs behind words, even when expressed poorly.
Instead of reacting to criticism or defensiveness, NVC helps you hear what’s alive in the other person — and respond with curiosity rather than conflict.
What NVC is not
- It’s not passive or weak
- It’s not about avoiding hard truths
- It’s not manipulation disguised as kindness
- It’s not about always agreeing
Instead, NVC allows you to be clear, kind, and courageous at the same time.
Examples of transforming language
| Blame/Diagnosis | NVC alternative |
|---|---|
| «You’re so unreliable.» | «When the deadline passed and I hadn’t heard from you, I felt anxious because I value clarity.» |
| «Stop being rude!» | «When you walked away while I was speaking, I felt hurt because I need to feel respected.» |
| «You make me angry!» | «I feel angry when I hear that because I need more honesty in this relationship.» |
Key principles of NVC
- All actions are attempts to meet needs.
- We can connect even when we disagree.
- Honest self-expression builds respect.
- Empathy heals — not by fixing, but by being present.
- Requests must be free from pressure to be meaningful.
Why it matters in leadership, coaching & relationships
- De-escalates tension and builds trust
- Encourages responsibility without blame
- Helps you set clear boundaries with empathy
- Promotes collaborative problem-solving
- Creates space for emotional safety and accountability
Final thought
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.”
— Marshall B. Rosenberg
NVC is not just a communication technique — it’s a mindset and a practice. It helps us shift from reacting to connecting, from demanding to requesting, from judging to understanding. And in doing so, we create space for more meaningful conversations and more humane relationships.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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