Sometimes, life turns upside down in an instant—a relationship ends, someone you love falls ill, a job situation collapses. Other times, the shift is slow and subtle—a steady drip of unease, frustration, or disconnection, until one day you realize you’ve lost your sense of direction.
In moments like these, the instinct is often to jump straight into “fix-it mode”—searching for strategies, solutions, or action plans. But what if the first step isn’t about fixing anything, but about understanding?
This reflection is an invitation to pause. To ask yourself, gently and honestly:
What has actually happened—and what do I need right now?
Start with where you are
Every major transition—whether chosen or not—tends to create an internal disorientation. It’s like finding yourself in the middle of a forest without a map. To know where to go next, you first need to locate yourself.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to check in.
Consider asking yourself:
- What has really happened in my life lately?
- How is this affecting me—mentally, emotionally, physically?
- What am I carrying that hasn’t had space to be acknowledged?
It takes courage to pause. But that pause is where healing often begins.
You don’t need to have it all figured out
Many people feel pressure to “understand everything” before they can move on. But clarity doesn’t come all at once. It’s okay to feel confused. It’s okay to simply know that something is hard right now—even if you don’t yet have the words for it.
Sometimes, just being able to say “I don’t know what I feel” is insight enough.
Giving yourself permission to be where you are, without rushing ahead, is an act of respect for your own process.
What are you trying to control?
Another useful question in times of transition:
What am I trying to control—and what can I release?
In crisis, we often grasp for control. We want certainty. We want to know what’s next. But not everything in life can be managed or planned. And surrendering that illusion—even temporarily—can be profoundly liberating.
You might be trying to control:
- How others respond
- How quickly you “get over it”
- Your emotions or performance
- The outcome of something still unfolding
Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up. It means giving yourself space to breathe. To soften. To feel your way forward—without needing all the answers right now.
Self-care is not a luxury—it’s emotional first aid
We hear a lot about “taking care of ourselves,” but in the midst of change or grief, that can feel abstract—or even selfish.
But let’s reframe it:
In times of upheaval, self-care is not optional. It’s essential.
Try asking:
- What brings me a moment of calm right now?
- What do I truly need today?
- How can I become a safe place for myself in this season?
Self-care doesn’t need to be grand. It can be a quiet cup of tea. A 10-minute walk. Saying no to something draining. Writing down your thoughts. Resting, even when the to-do list is full.
When the mind spins
Your thoughts and body are deeply connected. When your mind races, your body usually follows—with restlessness, tension, fatigue, or sleeplessness. That’s why emotional regulation is so important during transitions.
A simple grounding practice:
- Sit with your feet on the floor
- Close your eyes and take three deep breaths
- Place your hand on your chest and feel your own warmth
- Silently say to yourself: “I am here. It is safe to feel.”
This isn’t about pushing emotions away—it’s about creating support for yourself as you feel them.
You are not alone
Transitions often come with loneliness. You might feel like no one truly understands, or that you “should be further along by now.”
But you’re not alone. So many people have walked a version of the road you’re on—whether you can see them or not.
There are people who can meet you where you are.
People who can sit with your silence.
People who want to help you move forward—gently, without pressure.
The most important first step
It’s easy to believe that the first step out of the storm is a big one—a decision, a plan, a goal.
But more often, it starts smaller than that. It begins with telling yourself the truth about where you are.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can say is:
- “I’m tired.”
- “I don’t know where to begin.”
- “I need help.”
And even more important: knowing that you deserve that help.
An invitation
If you’re in the midst of a transition—whether professional, personal, or both—know this:
You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to perform.
You don’t need to know the ending.
You only need to start with this one powerful question:
What has happened—and what do I need right now?
And if you’d like a partner to help explore that journey, I’d be honored to walk with you.
Let’s start with a conversation.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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