When your own thoughts become your greatest obstacle
Have you ever stopped yourself before you even got started?
Maybe you had a dream, an idea, or a quiet longing—only to be met by a voice inside saying, “Who do you think you are?” or “This is never going to work.”
And just like that, you stalled. Again.
We often point to external factors when we feel stuck. But in reality, it’s often not the world around us that holds us back—it’s ourselves. Our own internal voices. Our mental patterns. The long-standing beliefs we’ve absorbed about who we are, what we deserve, and what is (or isn’t) possible for us.
The inner voice you’ve heard your whole life
Every person has an inner dialogue—a stream of thoughts running quietly in the background. Sometimes it’s encouraging. But often, it’s harsh, critical, or full of doubt.
And what makes it so powerful is that we rarely question it.
It just feels true.
But here’s the thing: that inner voice isn’t necessarily you.
More often than not, it’s an echo. A reflection of early experiences—things we were told or shown by parents, teachers, or peers. It mirrors how we were seen (or overlooked), how we were loved (or conditionally accepted). Over time, that voice became part of us.
If you find yourself constantly criticizing your own efforts, comparing yourself to others, avoiding risk, or carrying guilt and shame—you may be operating from a thought pattern that no longer serves you.
Common thought traps: When your thinking becomes your prison
Many of us fall into the same mental traps again and again—without realizing it.
Here are a few of the most common:
- Perfectionism – The belief that you must do everything flawlessly to be worthy. This often leads to exhaustion, avoidance, or procrastination.
- Guilt and shame – Thoughts like “This is my fault” or “I’m not worth much” often stem from early experiences where you took on responsibility for others’ feelings or situations.
- Comparison – That constant sense of being behind, of not measuring up. Social media amplifies this, but the deeper root is a sense of not being enough.
- All-or-nothing thinking – If it’s not a total success, it’s a total failure. No middle ground is good enough.
- Mind reading and catastrophizing – Assuming what others are thinking or expecting the worst—and reacting before anything has actually happened.
When these patterns go unchecked, they become like invisible ropes around us. We try to move forward, but something keeps pulling us back.
Self-sabotage you don’t even notice
Self-sabotage doesn’t always look dramatic. In fact, it’s often quiet, subtle, and almost invisible.
You delay. You say no to opportunities. You shrink back. You doubt yourself so deeply that you never even try.
It might show up like this:
- You procrastinate on something that truly matters to you.
- You overthink until you’re paralyzed by doubt.
- You say yes to everything and everyone—except yourself.
- You stay in draining relationships because you don’t believe you deserve better.
- You make excuses—not because you’re lazy, but because you’re afraid.
Behind every one of these behaviors lies a thought pattern.
A belief you’ve carried so long it feels like truth.
From autopilot to awareness
The first step to breaking these patterns is awareness.
When you begin to observe how you speak to yourself—and how that shapes your behavior—you create space for change.
Ask yourself:
- What did I just say to myself? Would I say that to a friend?
- Where does this voice come from? Who does it remind me of?
- What kinds of situations trigger this voice the most?
- How would I act if I didn’t believe this thought?
Awareness isn’t a quick fix. But it is a doorway.
Once you become aware, you can begin to choose differently.
You can choose to speak to yourself with kindness instead of criticism.
You can choose to act from your values instead of your fears.
Loosening the grip
No one changes lifelong thought patterns overnight. But with time, reflection, and new behavior, those old voices begin to lose their hold.
The voice that once shouted “You’re not good enough” may begin to whisper.
Eventually, it quiets—and a new voice can emerge.
One that says:
“I’m here. I’m doing my best. And that’s enough right now.”
You are not your thoughts.
You are not the story you’ve been telling yourself.
You are the one who can choose to write a new story—
One where you no longer sabotage yourself, but stand by yourself.
Would you like support in identifying and transforming the thought patterns that hold you back?
Coaching can provide a safe, empowering space to increase self-awareness, shift your mindset, and move forward with clarity and confidence.
Let’s start by listening to the story you’ve been telling yourself—
And see what becomes possible when you tell a new one.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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