DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

When you understand yourself, you can begin to create something new

More often than not, it’s not the world around us that holds us back—it’s the thoughts we carry within. The quiet, persistent voices that tell us who we are, what we can’t do, and why we might not be enough. These thought patterns shape more of our lives than we often realize—until we shine a light on them.

This phase of the journey is about understanding what’s really going on inside. What old patterns and automatic responses have you been unconsciously following? And how are they influencing your choices today?

Because once you see it clearly—you can begin to choose something new.

The hidden saboteurs

We all have an inner critic. That voice that says, “You should be doing more.” Or, “You’re not good enough.” Or maybe, “Everyone else seems to be managing—what’s wrong with you?”

These thoughts often come from past experiences, inherited expectations, or societal ideals. Over time, they form deeply ingrained mental pathways—like grooves in the brain—that impact everything from your confidence to your relationships.

Common forms of self-sabotage include:

• Perfectionism – believing you have to get everything right or you’ve failed.
• Comparison – feeling like everyone else has it together—except you.
• Self-criticism – never feeling good enough, no matter how hard you try.
• Procrastination and avoidance – waiting to begin because it never feels “ready enough.”

These patterns aren’t “flaws”—they’ve often been strategies for coping. But that doesn’t mean they have to keep running the show.

Your inner dialogue: From criticism to self-support

How do you actually talk to yourself?

We often don’t notice it, but our inner dialogue shapes our entire experience of reality. It can either be a quiet support through difficult times—or a constant source of pressure and unrest.

Changing this dialogue isn’t about “thinking positive” all the time. It’s about being honest—with warmth. Meeting yourself the way you would meet a close friend.

You learn to question your thoughts:

• Is this really true—or just an old story?
• Would I say this to someone I care about?
• What do I actually need to hear right now?

As you strengthen this inner voice, you gradually build a more supportive and safe relationship with yourself. That gives you more courage, more calm—and more freedom in your decisions.

Small choices, big power

One of the most powerful insights in this process is that you always have a choice. Not necessarily over what happens to you—but over how you meet it.

You can’t control everything in life. But you can choose how you respond. You can choose what to believe. You can choose one small action today that lifts you up—instead of tearing you down.

Sometimes that looks like:

• Choosing to pause instead of pushing through.
• Choosing to call someone instead of withdrawing.
• Choosing to say “this is enough” instead of perfecting.
• Choosing to believe you’re worthy of care—even on days when you doubt it.

These small choices are like new pathways in your brain. The more often you walk them, the stronger they become. Over time, they become new patterns—ones that support you instead of hold you back.

Tools for everyday mental shifts

Lasting change doesn’t come from insight alone—it comes from action. That’s why it’s important to have practical tools you can turn to when old thoughts show up.

Here are a few examples:

• Cognitive trap mapping – Learn to recognize when you fall into common mental traps like black-and-white thinking, overgeneralizing, or mind-reading.
• Breath as anchor – When your mind starts racing, use your breath to ground yourself. Three deep breaths can bring you back to the present.
• Reframing – Ask: Is there another way to see this? What if the challenge you’re facing is also an invitation to grow?
• Micro-choice check-in – Start your day with one conscious decision: What’s one small thing I can do today to support myself?

These simple practices might seem small, but over time, they lay the foundation for new ways of being. You become more aware, more present—and more able to steer your life in the direction you want.

Meeting yourself in a new way

Exploring your thought patterns takes courage. It can be painful to see the ways you’ve held yourself back. But it also gives you something powerful: ownership.

Because when you recognize your patterns, you can begin to make conscious choices. You can meet yourself with warmth. And you can start to build a life grounded in supportive thinking, realistic expectations, and genuine self-respect.

You don’t have to be “finished” to begin. You just have to be willing to see—and to take one small step in a new direction.

Because with every conscious choice, every small shift, you’re not just reshaping your thoughts—you’re reshaping your life.