DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Shame has a unique way of turning inward and anchoring deeply. It doesn’t shout—it whispers. It tells you, “You don’t belong here,” “You’re not enough,” or worse, “You’ll never be enough.” Unlike guilt, which says, I did something wrong, shame declares, I am something wrong. It builds invisible walls between who we are and who we think we need to be in order to be worthy of love, trust, leadership, and acceptance.

And so, the wall rises.

For many, shame is not just a passing emotion but a hidden operating system. It influences the decisions we make, the risks we avoid, and the dreams we delay. It convinces us that we must first clean up, fix ourselves, or prove our worth before we can enter the room, raise our voice, or pursue what matters.

But what if that’s not true?

You are allowed to walk on while still healing

One of the most liberating truths we can internalize is this: you don’t need to be whole to move forward. Healing and walking can happen at the same time. You don’t need to wait until you’ve outgrown all your struggles before you’re allowed to participate, to lead, to try again.

Too often, shame convinces us that the right to belong or lead is earned only after perfection is achieved. But the truth is, no one arrives perfectly polished. Life is not a waiting room for the worthy—it’s a journey we’re all invited into, scars and all.

You are not disqualified because you’ve been broken. You’re not unwelcome because you carry pain. In fact, it’s often the people who have walked through shame and still chosen to show up with vulnerability that become the most courageous, trustworthy, and healing presence in a community or team.

Shame whispers, grace speaks

Shame says, “You’re disqualified.”

Grace answers, “Welcome to wherever you are.”

That phrase—welcome to wherever you are—isn’t passive. It’s a powerful counter-narrative to the perfectionism that shame demands. It’s the kind of radical acceptance that says: your worth isn’t determined by your performance. You don’t have to be finished to be loved. You don’t have to be fearless to take the next step. You’re welcome here—not when, not if, but now.

It’s a message that echoes deeply in both psychology and faith. Spiritually, grace is the antidote to shame: it invites us into relationship, not based on what we’ve done, but based on who we are—and who we’re becoming. Psychologically, the practice of self-compassion serves the same function. It tells us we are safe to be imperfect, and that growth is possible precisely because we are not condemned by our current state.

Climbing the wall

So how do we move forward when shame has built such a solid wall?

1. Name the Wall

The first step in climbing is seeing what you’re up against. Shame thrives in secrecy. By naming it—“I feel like I’m not good enough,” “I’m afraid people will find out I’m struggling”—you begin to break its spell. Brené Brown says, “Shame cannot survive being spoken.” Vulnerability and honesty are tools of liberation.

2. Reconnect to Others

Shame isolates. It says, “No one else feels this way,” “They wouldn’t understand.” But when we share our story with a safe person—someone who meets us with empathy, not judgment—shame loses its grip. Human connection, not hiding, is the healing path.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Would you tell someone else they are disqualified for trying and failing? For being wounded? For having doubts? Likely not. Why then hold yourself to a harsher standard?

4. Reframe the Narrative

Instead of seeing shame as a stop sign, see it as a signal. What value does the shame reveal? Often, it points to a desire for love, acceptance, or integrity. Use that to ask better questions: How can I receive love even now? What would integrity look like as I take this next step?

5. Keep Walking

Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when your inner critic pipes up. Movement matters. The wall may not disappear overnight, but you’re building the strength to climb—one step, one act of courage, one breath of grace at a time.

The paradox of strength

What if your strength isn’t proven by having no weakness, but by choosing to walk forward in spite of it? The strongest leaders, the most compassionate friends, and the most resilient communities are not those who pretend perfection—they are those who’ve stared shame in the face, told the truth, and kept going.

Scars don’t disqualify. They validate. They tell a story of someone who has been hurt—but not defeated.

And what if that’s what the world needs more of? Not people who’ve never fallen, but people who know what it’s like to rise again.

Begin from where you are

Shame says the journey can’t start until you’ve arrived.

But grace says: begin from here.

You’re allowed to move forward while still healing. You’re allowed to show up with your doubts and imperfections. The wall may look tall—but you’re not climbing it alone.

So lace up your shoes. Look up. And begin—from wherever you are.