DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Conflict is inevitable. People bring different goals, values, communication styles, and assumptions to the table. When those differences collide, conflict emerges. But conflict in itself is not the problem. What matters most is how we respond to it.

Diplomatic leaders understand that successful conflict resolution is not about winning or proving who’s right. It’s about facilitating understanding, rebuilding trust, and guiding others toward shared solutions. At its core, diplomacy in conflict is the practice of moving from positions to interests, enabling people to collaborate instead of compete.

In this article, we explore conflict resolution through three powerful lenses:

1. Interest-based negotiation
2. Mediation techniques
3. Finding common ground without compromising integrity

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1. Interest-based negotiation: Shifting the focus from positions to needs

Most conflicts become entrenched because people cling to positions – fixed statements of what they want (e.g., “I want Fridays off”). These positions are often fueled by deeper interests – the underlying needs, fears, values, or desires (e.g., «I need flexibility for family obligations»).

Interest-based negotiation helps people move beneath surface-level demands to understand what truly matters. The goal is to uncover shared interests, expand the range of possible solutions, and build outcomes that meet mutual needs.

Key Principles of Interest-Based Negotiation

• Separate people from the problem
  Focus on solving the issue, not attacking the person. Preserve dignity while addressing disagreement.
• Focus on interests, not positions
  Ask: «Why is this important to you? What would that give you?» This invites deeper understanding.
• Invent options for mutual gain
  Once interests are clear, brainstorm ways to satisfy both parties. Think creatively, without judgment.
• Use objective criteria
  When possible, appeal to standards, benchmarks, or shared principles to make decisions feel fair.

Example Scenario

In a workplace disagreement over workload distribution, one team member insists on fewer meetings while another resists reducing contact. A positional debate might stall. But if both explore interests, they may discover shared values: efficiency, autonomy, and clear updates. This opens the door to solutions like fewer but more structured meetings, or a blend of live updates and async tools.

Interest-based negotiation turns adversaries into problem-solving partners.

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2. Mediation techniques: Guiding conversations toward resolution

When conflicts escalate or become emotionally charged, a neutral third party can make a critical difference. Mediation is the process of guiding conflicting parties toward mutual understanding and agreement, without taking sides or imposing solutions.

Diplomatic leaders often serve as informal mediators in their teams or organizations. This role requires emotional intelligence, process awareness, and deep listening.

Core Mediation Skills

• Create psychological safety
  Set the tone with ground rules. Emphasize confidentiality, respect, and listening without interruption.
• Remain neutral and non-judgmental
  The mediator is not there to pick a winner. Their job is to hold space, clarify issues, and help each side feel heard.
• Facilitate storytelling and reflection
  Let each party share their perspective. Reflect what you hear using paraphrasing and empathy.
• Identify shared goals and misalignments
  Help participants distinguish between real differences and misunderstandings.
• Structure dialogue step-by-step
  Break down the conversation into manageable parts: framing the problem, exploring interests, generating options, agreeing on next steps.

Mediation Process Overview

1. Preparation – Meet individually to understand concerns.
2. Opening – Set the tone, define the purpose, agree on ground rules.
3. Issue exploration – Each party shares their story.
4. Interest identification – Ask questions to uncover underlying needs.
5. Option generation – Co-create possible solutions.
6. Agreement – Summarize outcomes, clarify next actions.

A skilled mediator doesn’t impose solutions – they unlock the wisdom of the room.

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3. Finding common ground without compromising integrity

In many conflicts, the challenge is to reach agreement without giving up core values or priorities. Too often, people avoid conflict out of fear of losing something essential – their truth, their dignity, or their needs.

Strategic, diplomatic leaders help others find common ground by:

• Listening deeply
• Reframing issues
• Highlighting what is shared
• Encouraging principled compromise (but not surrender)

Techniques to Preserve Integrity While Resolving Conflict

• Distinguish between flexible and non-negotiable needs
  Not everything is sacred. Clarify what can adapt and what cannot.
• Use «both/and» language
  Instead of choosing between competing values, explore how both perspectives might coexist.Example: «We want efficiency and inclusion — how might we honor both?»
• Be transparent about limits
  When certain constraints exist (budget, policy, ethics), name them respectfully. This helps set realistic boundaries without shutting down dialogue.
• Acknowledge emotion, then focus on principle
  Allow emotional expression. Then guide the conversation back to shared values and forward movement.
• Frame compromise as shared ownership
  When both sides contribute to the solution, they both have a stake in making it work.

Example in Action

Two departments clash over resource allocation. One fears underfunding critical services; the other sees new projects as essential for innovation. A skilled leader facilitates dialogue focused on shared outcomes (sustainability and impact), uncovers assumptions, and helps co-design a phased solution that supports both stability and innovation.

Common ground doesn’t mean giving in. It means finding overlap without erasing difference.

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Conflict as an opportunity for growth

Conflict can be uncomfortable, even painful. But with the right mindset and skill set, it becomes an opportunity for growth, clarity, and strengthened relationships. Diplomatic leaders approach conflict not as something to avoid or win, but as a natural part of collaboration.

Whether through interest-based negotiation, skilled mediation, or principled compromise, the goal is always the same: facilitate understanding, not just defend positions.

To practice diplomatic conflict resolution, ask yourself:

• What is truly at stake here?
• What might I be missing in the other’s perspective?
• How can I hold both clarity and compassion in this conversation?
• What shared values or interests can guide us forward?

When leaders model this approach, they shift team dynamics from reactivity to reflection, from division to dialogue, and from blame to ownership.

«Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.»

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