DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Imagine a painting with a beautiful composition. The colors flow together harmoniously. The lines lead the eye to different parts of the image. The atmosphere it creates evokes deep emotions.

But then…

What happens if a painting is framed in a way that draws attention away from the artwork?

Maybe the frame is too large? Too flashy? Or simply doesn’t match the painting’s style and content? We’re unlikely to truly appreciate the work for what it is, because the frame distracts us.

You get the metaphor, right? It can be applied to how we see our lives, our challenges, our relationships—and ourselves.

Often, it’s not the “picture” itself—our actual reality—that’s the problem, but the frame we choose to see it in.

The frame, in this context, refers to our attitude, biases, expectations, and beliefs that shape how we interpret and experience reality. If the frame is narrow, misguided, or distorted, we won’t be able to see the picture clearly—or give it a fair and balanced evaluation.

The frame shapes how we interpret situations

The frame—our mental framework—affects how we interpret and understand situations. Our attitudes, beliefs, and values act like a lens filtering the information we receive. Two people can go through the exact same experience, but interpret it in radically different ways depending on the frame through which they view it.

For example: Let’s say two people receive tough feedback from their manager. The first person has an inner frame that says, “I’m not good enough, and everything I do is wrong.” For them, the critique will likely feel like confirmation of that negative belief. They may feel crushed and demotivated. The second person holds a frame that says, “Feedback is a springboard for growth.” This person is more likely to view the critique as helpful and as a chance to improve.

Same situation, two completely different experiences—not because of the feedback itself, but because of the frame it was received in.

The power of expectation

The frame we set around our lives is often shaped by our expectations. These expectations may come from cultural norms, social environments, family, friends, or our own past experiences.

Expectations act like a frame that sets boundaries for what we believe is possible or appropriate.

Let’s say you start a new job with the expectation that it will be incredibly difficult, and that you’ll struggle to meet the demands. That expectation becomes your mental frame, and you’re likely to begin looking for signs that confirm just how tough it is. You might fixate on every small mistake and overlook your accomplishments. If instead you entered that same situation with the expectation that it will be challenging, but that you’re capable of managing it, you’d likely interpret mistakes as part of the learning curve—not as evidence that you’re inadequate.

The frame we place around other people

It’s not just our own experiences that are framed by our mental outlook. We also place frames around other people based on our assumptions and past encounters with them.

If we’ve placed someone in a negative frame, we’ll tend to interpret everything they do through that lens.

It’s like putting a negative filter over that person’s image—we see the flaws, but not the strengths.

For example, if you’ve had past conflict with a colleague, you might mentally frame them as difficult or stubborn. No matter what they do, you may interpret their actions through that frame. Even if they try to cooperate or show kindness, you might overlook it—or read it as manipulation.

To truly see people for who they are, we sometimes need to adjust—or even change—the frame we’ve placed around them.

Breaking old frames

A vital part of personal growth is becoming aware of the frames we’ve placed around different areas of life.

When we realize it’s not the picture that’s the problem—but the frame—we gain the freedom to shift our perspective and create a new reality for ourselves.

This requires reflection, openness, and the courage to challenge old patterns of thought.

So how do we begin breaking old frames? First, by becoming aware of them. We can ask ourselves: “How am I viewing this situation?” or “What are my expectations here?”

Once we identify the frame, we can begin to examine whether it’s useful—or whether it’s holding us back.

Then, we can try replacing the old frame with a new one—one that’s more positive or more accurate. Instead of framing a challenge as a threat, we can choose to see it as a trigger for growth. Instead of framing a difficult relationship as hopeless, we can frame it as an opportunity for better communication or deeper understanding.

The fault lies in the frame, not the picture

When we understand that the issue often lies not in the picture itself—but in the frame we’ve chosen around it—we open ourselves up to a new way of living. It’s about replacing narrow perspectives with broader, more flexible frames that allow space for growth, understanding, and transformation.

Life itself is neither purely good nor purely bad. But the way we frame it determines how we experience it.

And in this process, we become aware of our own ability—yes, our power—to create meaning, to adjust our thinking, and to find new paths forward.

And hey:

By adjusting the frame, we may discover that the picture we once saw as flawed or lacking is actually full of nuance, beauty, and possibility.