“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” — Wayne Dyer
There is a strong connection between the judgments we pass on others and the state of our own inner world. We need, again and again, to remind ourselves of this connection—because our judgments often say more about us than about the person we are judging.
What happens when we judge others?
When we judge others, our assessments tend to reflect our own values, insecurities, and personal experiences. What we see in others is often a mirror of what’s going on inside ourselves.
We often project our own emotions and uncertainties onto others. This means that when we judge, we reveal more about what we feel and think internally than any objective truth about the other person.
In this way, our judgments can become a valuable source of self-insight. They can expose areas of our personality that need growth or healing.
By understanding that our judgments define ourselves more than they define others, we can develop greater empathy and awareness. We can become more conscious of our own internal state—and how it shapes our perception of those around us.
How can we flip our judgments into catalysts for personal growth?
Start by observing your own thoughts and evaluations. When you find yourself judging someone, ask: What does this judgment reveal about me? What might it uncover about your own fears, values, or lived experiences?
When you catch yourself judging, try to step into the other person’s shoes. What might be the cause of their behavior? How would you feel if you were in their situation? You may discover you’re not so different after all.
Check whether your judgments align with your core values and the person you truly want to be. Let these reflections guide any necessary adjustments to your mindset and behavior.
Instead of judging, try to communicate with openness and curiosity. Ask questions. Listen with the intent to understand the other person’s perspective. Visit their viewpoint. You don’t have to agree—but you may come away with a broader horizon.
Practice compassion—for others and for yourself. Be kind. We all face battles. We all carry burdens. Try understanding before trying to correct.
Why this shift matters
When we judge less and seek to understand more, our relationships improve. Empathy and deeper understanding reduce conflict and create meaningful connection.
By reflecting on our judgments, we gain greater insight into our own values, fears, and insecurities. This reflection fosters personal growth and self-improvement.
Recognizing that everyone faces their own struggles—ourselves included—can build a culture of kindness and support. This can transform our homes, workplaces, and communities.
A less judgmental mindset also reduces stress and anxiety. Letting go of judgment frees us from the grip of negative thoughts that can harm our mental health.
Let’s remember: every judgment we pass is a chance to learn something about ourselves—and to grow.
And you—take two deep breaths before your next opinion rolls out loud. That judgment you’re about to express? The real work may not lie with the other person—it may lie with you.
Find it.
Face it.
That journey will always be more meaningful than pinning a label on someone else.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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