Relaxed calm and unbearable anxiety can be seen as two extremes on the same spectrum.
In truth, it’s the same emotion whether we call it unease, fear, anxiety, or a full-blown panic – different words only reflect varying intensities.
Anxiety is part of life.
It’s not inherently problematic to feel afraid. It’s entirely appropriate to learn to fear what truly is dangerous. Without that, our chances of survival would be significantly lower.
Anxiety only becomes a problem when we’re afraid without knowing why, when it’s disproportionate to the threat we perceive, and when it hinders our ability to live and simply causes suffering.
The word “anxiety” comes from a Latin root meaning something like “tightness.” It feels like your throat and chest are constricting, making breathing difficult.
We’ve all experienced some physical symptoms: shortness of breath with chest breathing, a racing heart, clammy hands, body heat or chills, “butterflies in the stomach,” muscle tension. In severe, prolonged cases, anxiety can also cause irritability, fatigue, sleep problems, and physical complaints easily mistaken for serious illness. The stronger the anxiety, the more intense these reactions become. A full blown panic attack can feel so dramatic that a person may fear they’re about to die, lose their mind, or have a heart attack.
According to some statistics, one in four Norwegians experience some form of anxiety.
Anxiety in disguise…
It can be useful to recognize that anxiety doesn’t always wear a label. Feeling ashamed to admit we’re anxious, we often hide it behind other patterns. The most common disguises include:
- Aggression or criticism. Others feel uneasy or attacked. The mindset is “Only when I appear strong will people respect me,” or “To feel safe, I must remain in control.”
- Withdrawing: We assume a spectator role: “If no one notices me, they can’t hurt me or think I’m foolish.”
- People-pleasing, conformity, self-effacement, helpfulness: We show only the parts of ourselves others will accept, hiding everything we fear they won’t. “Only by fitting in can I be loved and respected.”
- Hyper-organizing, structure, roles, rules, discipline: These help keep anxiety at bay. “As long as I know what to say and do, I can face others.”
Everyday anxiety
Everyday anxiety is normal—not pathological. It can be uncomfortable, but it’s part of human existence. There are plenty of fears that don’t indicate illness or abnormality.
However, something can turn this everyday anxiety into a larger problem:
- Believing fear is abnormal or a weakness, possibly believing that faith alone eliminates fear. This makes fear itself a sign that something is wrong, amplifying it.
- Modeling after anxious people—if parents handled fear poorly, their children may internalize that fear as well.
- Life experiences such as separation, loss, rejection, loneliness, or accidents can compound anxiety.
Everyday anxiety—sometimes called “existential anxiety”—is part of life. Life, death, God, relationships—they all carry potential for fear. But this form of anxiety does not need treatment (medication or therapy). Instead, we should learn to live with it. Recognizing fear doesn’t require us to flee everything that scares us. By choosing not to retreat, anxiety often calms on its own. What matters is not that we aren’t afraid, but that we don’t run away.
We fear each other. We live in a world of unpredictable people—others can reject, disdain, mock, hurt, or damage us. We fear this in friendships, workplaces, churches, sports teams… even if we’re often unwilling to admit it.
Curiously, when we talk about being afraid of others, we actually feel safer—if met with understanding and respect. If we suppress that fear or avoid people we find “dangerous,” anxiety intensifies.
Life isn’t equally secure for everyone. Some are welcomed warmly and meet new people with confidence; others have endured repeated rejection and fear approaching again. Then an anxiety problem can take root. No one is inherently 100% secure.
We often fear people more than wars or natural disasters. Common everyday anxieties include separation anxiety, performance anxiety, fear of new experiences, fear of freedom.
Again: Everyday anxiety is part of life. Learn to live with it. The most important practice is not to retreat. Many believe they must eliminate their anxiety first, and then approach what frightens them. That is backward. First we must stand our ground. Then, from that position, we approach—and during that process, anxiety will subside and become bearable.
Anxiety from inner tensions
There is another form of anxiety—not as mild as everyday anxiety, but still normal—that we shouldn’t just accept. We should seek to reduce or resolve it. Only if that fails should we learn to live with it.
This kind of anxiety stems from feelings we haven’t acknowledged—or won’t acknowledge—or from internal tensions within us, like conflict between intellect and emotion, or a mismatch between our inner self and our outer role. Some call this “neurotic anxiety.”
Suppressed or unrecognized feelings often cause this type, especially anger and grief.
Examples:
- A woman with a domineering husband may suppress her anger and praise his positive traits. Over time, anxiety develops because she fears accidentally harming someone she loves.
- Someone who has undergone “successful” surgery may feel no space to grieve the loss of a body part or former abilities.
- Someone who suppresses childhood grief over home trauma may carry anxiety into adulthood.
- Unacknowledged sexual tension may also cause deep unease.
In some families or communities, certain emotions are simply forbidden: “Don’t feel that!” or “You must feel what we feel.”
In other homes, only one person is allowed to feel moral authority or to be sad—others suppress their own feelings to earn love or acceptance.
Anxiety may emerge when suppressed, culturally disapproved feelings press to the surface.
“Moral” anxiety arises when we live dissonant lives—suppressing conscience until anxiety emerges.
Living behind a spotless facade while hiding inner chaos can also provoke anxiety: the more distance between who we are and how we present ourselves, the more anxious tension builds.
Long-term stress—family crises, workplace overload—can also trigger persistent anxiety.
Talking about anxiety reduces it
At the core, anxiety is sustained tension over time. Talking it through can help. A supportive conversation can help you face buried feelings, live with internal conflict, and find balance between independence and interdependence.
Often people don’t know what feeds their anxiety. Starting with life narrative and major stressors can help reveal the underlying tensions.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all tension—then growth stops. Instead, it’s about noticing unrealistic ideals or imposed expectations and adjusting them.
Different anxiety disorders
There are many causes of anxiety—life experiences, genetic predisposition, learned behavior from anxious parents, traumatic events, etc.
Anxiety disorders include panic disorder, generalized anxiety, phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety, PTSD, OCD.
Getting help for anxiety
Today, many effective therapies exist:
- Exposure therapy: Gradual, supported confrontation of what you fear—initially uncomfortable but healing in the long run.
- Cognitive therapy: Changing your interpretation of events, not just the events themselves.
- Relaxation and breathing exercises: Because physical tension and shallow breathing amplify anxiety—and reversing those can soothe it.
- Medication: Useful for symptom relief and enabling participation in therapy—but never a stand-alone cure.
How we can support each other
We can remind each other to focus on the life we have, not on mental rooms that feel locked or trapped.
We can help each other seek the most meaningful life possible, refusing to let anxiety immobilize us or others more than necessary.
In short: Anxiety comes in many forms—some natural, others problematic. The key is not to run away, but to stand, approach, speak, and grow. Through understanding, support, and action, we free ourselves from the prison of fear—one step at a time.
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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