DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Let me share a thought worth thinking your own thoughts about:

What do you think about yourself?

Do you see fragments of an answer swirling in your mind right now? If so, try this: Write down five negative traits you see in yourself… Then write down five good ones. Did you find them? Which list was easier to write? Which one took less time?

Pause for a moment and notice: As you reflect on who you are—what do you tend to dwell on more? The negative… or the positive?

Our thoughts are to our lives what the potter is to the clay: they shape us. An ancient proverb expresses it this way:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
That’s from the Book of Proverbs, chapter 4, verse 23. I think it’s spot on.

Here’s the point: What we consciously or unconsciously believe about ourselves shapes every area of life. When we think low thoughts about ourselves, we often develop a poor self-image. And with a poor self-image, life’s challenges become unnecessarily harder to face. It weakens us—in our health, relationships, work, and emotional resilience.

You are unique. No one else is like you. And those of us who live and move around you—we need you to show up fully. We need you to use your gifts, insights, experiences, and everything you’ve developed through life so far. If you walk hunched under the weight of low thoughts, both you and we will miss out. After all, life is something we live together. And together, we can work through almost anything—including breaking down mental strongholds that hold us captive inside ourselves.

You weren’t designed to live with a silencer on your life. No human being was created to live bent low. A low self-image isn’t a gift we’re born with—it’s something that grows over time. Often shaped early on by negative messages from those closest to us. The early years matter. They shape our basic trust: in others, in ourselves, in our thoughts, feelings, and choices—and in whether people genuinely want good for us or not.

Basic trust and safety are deeply connected to how (and how often) we experience goodness from others—especially when it’s expressed in our own love language. Do you know yours? Maybe it’s affirming words. Or gifts. Acts of service. Focused time. Maybe it’s physical touch that assures you most?

It’s helpful to reflect on your preferred language—and just as useful to learn to “read” the languages of those around you. You might realize that they’re actually trying to show you more love and support than you thought… just in a different “language” than you would naturally speak. And remember: this works both ways. Maybe it’s time you try speaking a “foreign language” of love—like learning French in school—to express appreciation to someone who matters to you.

With a healthy self-image, it’s easier to live and work alongside others. You don’t need to be constantly on guard. You’re not always preparing for battle. You don’t assume the worst about people. And you don’t spend your energy defending or retreating. You’re more resilient. You can face life’s blows—and the bumps in relationships—without being crushed by them. Trust me, I know how much it matters to believe the truth about yourself, especially when life puts you in the ditch.

There is immense power in a true and healthy self-image. Life is rarely 2+2=4. It’s not fair more than a brief moment at a time. It’s paradoxical, divided into chapters—some deeply uncomfortable. But that doesn’t make you less worthy. That doesn’t make you a failure. We all go through this. It’s called being human.

With a poor self-image, we often live with constant suspicion:
“They don’t really like me. They probably want to hurt me. They’re probably plotting something right now…”
So we defend ourselves, pull away, stay guarded. And oddly, this often makes it even harder to admit when we actually are wrong. Isn’t it strange that a low self-image can sometimes look like arrogance—where insecurity shows up as (strained) superiority?

If I don’t dare be myself—with all my strengths and weaknesses—I’ll end up burying my thoughts, needs, and desires. And that leads to an unlived life.

Or… I might overcompensate. Constantly trying to prove my worth through achievements. That leads to a burned-out life. And sadly, we burn out before life was ever meant to end.

Whether unlived or over-lived, both lead us to ignore our real needs in order to satisfy other people’s expectations. And sure, we might get short-term validation—but eventually, it drains us. We become exhausted, frustrated, even invisible to ourselves. And in the end, we’re left with the belief:
“I’m loved for what I do, not who I am.”

That’s a fragile and threatened identity. We need a stronger anchor for our value—something deeper than other people’s expectations or opinions of our performance.

For me, that anchor is this: I believe I am created by God.
But even if you put God aside for a moment, maybe this can be true for us all: No two people are the same. That means each of us has inherent value—and we all benefit when we help each other to live truly and freely. To think rightly about ourselves. To show up as we are, for the good of ourselves and others.

We need one another. That’s our unique imprint on this earth. And together, we can figure things out—better, for more people.

Let me put it plainly: We are people. Not mashed potatoes.
Each of us counts. And each of us is needed—as a gift to the communities we’re part of.

Self-image—yours and others’—can still be shaped today, even though the foundation was laid long ago. So let me ask again: What can you and I do to strengthen self-images where we are?
I believe that’s a question worth sitting with.

One final thought: Even though others will absolutely influence your self-image, you are the one who ultimately chooses how you build it.
You’re the one in charge of your own life.

That might feel uncomfortable to hear. But I believe it’s true. I also know that it’s hard. It’s difficult to separate truth from lies, to let go of toxic thoughts. Still—it’s possible.

Here’s a simple method some people use. And remember, it’s wise to walk this kind of journey with someone you trust. If you’d like support from DREIESKIVA Roald Kvam, you’re welcome to reach out. But I recommend finding someone nearby, who can stay close as you build new thought patterns—because old thoughts are easy to fall back into.

Now, the method:

1) Listen

Pay attention to what you think and say about yourself. What’s your inner dialogue like?
Notice the harsh, loaded statements like:
“I’m a terrible person.”
“No one cares about me.”
“I’m not worth anyone’s time.”
“I can’t do anything right.”

2) Stop and hold up

When you catch yourself thinking or saying things that aren’t true—stop. Don’t move your feet. Don’t act on the direction those thoughts try to send you in.
Then, hold those unhealthy thoughts up against something better—truths grounded in reality, or positive experiences you’ve genuinely had.

For me, that anchor is my belief that I’m created in God’s image. That gives me strength when life gets hard. But even without that, we can still choose to hold up this truth:
We are unique. No one else is like you. And together, we’re better—for more.
You count. I count. We’re strongest when we both show up fully.

3) Change

When we’ve stopped long enough not to follow old paths of unhealthy thought… and when we’ve held up better truths…
Then we can change direction.
We can turn—from harmful thoughts toward healthier ones.

Here’s the wonder: When we think differently, we take different steps.
And bit by bit, we move out of old, painful patterns…
Into better pictures.
Into better lives.
For ourselves—and others.

Remember when I asked, what can we do to strengthen self-images where we are?
The truth is: damaged self-images are shaped in relationships. And so they must be healed and rebuilt—in relationships.
Each of us plays a part in giving and receiving what’s good. In doing so, we become co-workers in each other’s joy.

You and I—even if we don’t think highly of ourselves right now—we can make a difference.
We can help spark healthy processes in someone else’s life.
So let’s start with what’s good—before we even think about what’s good enough.

Let’s practice receiving goodness.
Let’s fight our destructive patterns.
Bit by bit.

It will come in fits and starts. Because that’s how life works.
But let’s move forward—together—toward a better image.
Sound good?
Goody.
Show up fully.