DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

The leader-follower-relationship

When people have a good relationship with their leaders, they’re more motivated, perform better, and are more likely to “go the extra mile.” When people don’t get along with their leaders, they tend to retaliate—both against the leader and the organization. But what about when people feel ambivalent toward their leader?

Researchers studied 952 employees and students to explore the effects of having an ambivalent relationship with one’s leader. Across three studies, they found that employees who rated their relationship with their leader as highly ambivalent performed worse in their jobs (as rated by the leader) than those who saw their relationship as less ambivalent. This effect held even when employees rated the relationship as overall positive.

Read more here: “Feeling Ambivalent About Your Boss Hurts Your Performance Even More Than Disliking Them,” by Allan Lee et al.

Developing strong relationships is a vital part of leadership. Good leaders know this. Research shows that when people have a good relationship with their leaders, they’re more motivated, perform better, and are more likely to go the extra mile for their team. These positive effects show up across a wide range of jobs and cultures. Conversely, we know that when people don’t get along with their leaders, they tend to retaliate—against the leader and the organization.

However, most of the research Allan Lee describes in his article sees “leader–follower” relationships as either good or bad, positive or negative. But hold on! In reality, “leader–follower” relationships are often both. Think about your own love-hate relationships. Employees naturally have ambivalent relationships with their leaders, filled with both positive and negative feelings. For example, we may feel that our leader is both supportive and unsupportive, that they sometimes understand our problems—and other times do not.

That’s natural. But what I find striking is that an ambivalent relationship with your leader leads to worse performance than simply disliking your leader. Did you catch that? Feeling ambivalent about your boss hurts your performance more than disliking them… THAT is thought-provoking. And THAT is something both we as followers and we as leaders need to take seriously. Because isn’t there a real danger that we settle for ambivalence? It sounds better than outright dislike, doesn’t it? Well, apparently it’s not!

Why do ambivalent leader–follower relationships have such strong negative effects on job performance?

Allan Lee points to a social psychological process called “cognitive consistency,” which suggests that we seek consistency in our thoughts and feelings and try to avoid inconsistency. For example, people usually feel uncomfortable when their behavior doesn’t align with their beliefs. To reduce this discomfort, we often change our original beliefs to match our actions.

Ambivalence is a form of cognitive inconsistency—it reflects being torn or conflicted psychologically. It’s a feeling we typically find unpleasant. This is supported by research showing that ambivalent social relationships are linked to higher cardiovascular stress, increased daily blood pressure, and greater risk of illness. Allan Lee argues that those who reported having an ambivalent relationship with their boss were also more likely to report experiencing negative emotions—like anxiety—at work. Which, in turn, may partly explain their lower performance.

What does ambivalence toward your leader do to your work performance?

Ambivalence toward your leader can affect performance in several ways, both directly and indirectly:

• Reduced engagement
  Conflicting feelings make it harder to maintain enthusiasm and dedication to your work.
• Lower job satisfaction
  Internal conflict about your leader can reduce how satisfied you feel at work.
• Communication issues
  You might hesitate to communicate openly, which affects collaboration and information flow.
• Lower motivation
  Conflicting emotions make it hard to stay self-driven in your tasks.
• Increased stress
  Constant ambivalence raises stress levels, which affects focus, resilience, and constructive responses.
• Weakened team spirit
  Ambivalence can undermine a sense of unity—essential for reaching shared goals.
• Loss of trust
  Trust is crucial to good leadership. When it erodes, so does the connection with both leader and colleagues.

What can we as followers do to manage ambivalence?

To handle ambivalence and limit its negative impact on performance, it can help to:

• Reflect on your feelings
  Identify what causes your ambivalence and assess how it affects you. Map it out.
• Set clear boundaries
  Separate personal emotions from professional responsibilities. Take your space back—be visible and clear!
• Seek support
  Talk to a mentor, colleague, or coach for guidance. Anchor in yourself, stay true, and act with integrity.
• Focus on your tasks
  Prioritize your work and maintain professionalism, even in the face of inner conflict. Operate from your core values, and always do your best—regardless of how your leader’s day is going.

What can we as leaders do to manage ambivalence?

Fortunately, there are steps we as leaders can take to improve relationships and reduce negative outcomes. Allan Lee suggests three:

• Visit the other side
  Leaders tend to believe their relationships with employees are more positive than the employees do. So first, try to understand how others see the relationship. Ask:
  “How do you feel about our relationship?”
  “Do you trust me?”
  “Do you feel supported and heard?”
• Go toward the positive
  To reduce ambivalence, we can focus on having more positive interactions—and shine a light on things that may otherwise go unnoticed.
  For example, say explicitly that you supported someone’s request or shared their idea with others. Or let them know you’ve spoken positively about them.
  You can also explain negative situations (briefly and honestly), which helps put them in perspective.
• Offer ways to navigate the leader
  Ambivalence may be inevitable. We as leaders must often switch roles—from confidant to disciplinarian to task manager. The relationship also includes a power imbalance and dependency. This makes ambivalence hard to avoid.
  But listen:
  Those who feel supported by teammates handle the emotional stress of ambivalence better.
  That’s gold.
  Team members who share the same boss are well positioned to provide empathy, support, and advice. Leaders should encourage peer support—yes, even when it’s about dealing with the leader. Create an environment where people feel safe to be themselves, be part of a team, and raise concerns.

I love this last point!
Imagine if we as leaders were so secure in our roles that we intentionally equipped our team to handle us. I love it—because it means we’re building empowered people, empowered teams, and a stronger business that doesn’t live or die with the “superhero leader” (who doesn’t exist anyway).

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Let’s take seriously the weight of ambivalence—how it can be even more damaging than negativity. Then let’s rise to the challenge. As followers, as leaders, and as a team—we can do this. I’m cheering for you and your team, all the way! I know this can be hard to navigate alone, and it might be wise to invite a third voice into the room—a coach or advisor. Feel free to reach out if I can walk a mile or two alongside you—or your team. I’d be honored.