DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” – Jonathan K. Foster

I come from a Mission background, and I’m used to anchoring happiness in something beyond ourselves, above us and ahead of us: in God and His love for us. Or in something behind us: in what Jesus Christ has done for us through His death for our sins and His resurrection to eternal life for us. By doing this, Jesus reduced death from being the #1 enemy of our life to becoming a (ugly) door from this life to the life beyond. In other words, we depend on something outside ourselves to experience the highest happiness: a well-guarded, saved life.

In that sense, the Mission continually challenges the statement: “You are the architect of your own happiness.”

Sure, happiness can be explained and grounded in sources outside ourselves that matter to us in life. The world’s religions and worldviews offer different stories and anchors. I am shaped by my faith and rest well in it concerning my life’s purpose, value, and hope. That’s fine, but let’s now turn our gaze inward to ourselves—as human beings—and look at how the more down-to-earth everyday happiness can be formed within and by us.

I believe this everyday happiness has two main sources: The Past and the Present. And these open up to us with two different life perspectives (which also represent two ways of living): “Here-Self” and “Remember-Self.”

“Here-Self” lives in the present.
It’s the one that answers the question, “How do you feel?”

“Remember-Self” lives in the past.
It’s the one that answers the question, “How have you been?”

“Here-Self” cares about time

Indeed! This is the type that keeps track of minutes with pluses and minuses. Every experience—be it a change, a transition, a significant moment, or an ending—gets transformed into a story for the “Here-Self.” And then we understand that time matters a lot to this type.

For example: A two-week vacation (the experience) can feel good for the “Here-Self.” It contributes to everyday happiness. If the vacation is bad, then it feels twice as long to the “Here-Self” and drains everyday happiness.

“Remember-Self” cares about how the story ends

For this type, it’s not the duration that makes a difference. Whether you have a two-week vacation or a one-week vacation doesn’t matter to the “Remember-Self.” It’s about the story, and especially one very critical part of the story: how it ends.

For example: A singer delivers a flawless performance but misses the last high note… We get it. For the everyday happiness of the “Remember-Self,” it’s important to end on a good note.

Two forms of everyday happiness

With “Here-Self” and “Remember-Self,” we get two forms of everyday happiness:

• How happy are the moments you experience?
• How happy or satisfied are you when you think about your life?

It’s not your daily experiences that ultimately matter. It’s the story you tell yourself, and how that story ends.

Note! Check if you are aware of whether you’re listening to your own story as “Here-Self” or “Remember-Self.” Because we can think about everyday happiness based on our “Here-Self,” or we can think about happiness as experienced by our “Remember-Self.”

You can have pretty good experiences most of the time, and “Here-Self” keeps track of these in its ledger. Yet, a bad ending to an experience can spoil the memory and its value for the “Remember-Self.”

Embrace the Gospel of Everyday Happiness

In mission work, we talked a lot about the “Gospel.” It means “the good news.” It’s about that God has done what needs to be done so that we can have a well-guarded, saved life, and survive death even though we must go through it. We get this simply by believing in what Jesus has done for us on the cross and by His resurrection. Provocatively simple, but hard enough for many to accept.

The “Gospel of Everyday Happiness” is that, with what you now know about “Here-Self” and “Remember-Self,” you can take charge of your own everyday happiness! Because you are aware that a bad ending to an experience/story can wear down your happiness for “Remember-Self.” But you can change perspective! With “Here-Self,” you can have a generally lousy experience, and yet what you focus on, and the story you tell yourself about your life—even the ending of dear life chapters—can improve your sense of well-being or satisfaction.

In that sense, what the Mission challenge as false and shallow, is actually spot on: «You are the architect of your own happiness.»

For my part, I am deeply grateful for the perspectives, values, and tools I have received in my Christian faith. I have a well-guarded, saved life through faith in Jesus Christ. And I’m glad to get to know “Here-Self” and “Remember-Self” a little better too. I choose joy, day by day.

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Source and inspiration: “The 2 Modes of Happiness: The Past and the Present,” J. D. Meier