DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

(1) Share your facts

We often start by sharing our conclusions, which are often ill founded, rather than the facts that led to our conclusions.

Gathering the facts is the homework required for crucial conversation.

If you want to share your story, don’t start with it. Start with facts.

(2) Tell your story

This can be tricky. The other person can still become defensive.

Facts alone are rarely worth mentioning. It’s the facts plus the conclusion that call for a face-to-face conversation.

When telling your story, remember:
– It takes courage and confidence
– Don’t pile it on. Decide which of your stories to share
– Keep a look out for safety problems

Use contrasting, but be careful not to water down or apologize for your views.

(3) Ask for other’s story

Confidence is about sharing your facts and stories. Humility is about inviting others to do the same.

If your goal is really to expand the pool of meaning, then you’ll be willing to listen to others.

Ask:
– What does the other person know, what are their facts?
– What are the other person’s intentions?
– What does the other person really want?

Be willing to abandon your story as more info comes in.

(4) Talk tentatively

Tell your story as a story rather than disguising it as a hard fact.

When sharing a story, strike a blend between confidence and humility.

Express appropriate confidence while demonstrating that, if called for, you want your conclusions challenged.

(5) Encourage testing

Don’t just invite others to talk, make it clear that you want to hear people.

The only limit to how strongly you can express your opinion, is your willingness to encourage others to challenge it.

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If you want to learn more about tools for talking when stakes are high, feel free to reach out.