DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Knowing how to get along with other people is, in my opinion, one of the most important life skills we can develop. If you walk with me for a few more paragraphs, we’ll take a closer look at the kind of awareness that prepares us for healthy and meaningful relationships.

Let’s begin with a thought-provoking idea. It’s been said:

«Who we are determines how we see others.»

I believe there’s something to that. If so, a good first question—if we want to prepare ourselves for deeper relationships—might be:

“How do I perceive others?”

Pay attention to your own answer, because it might say a lot about you. In a way, you are your own lens: who you are affects what you focus on, what you dwell on, and how you interpret the people around you. It also influences what you choose to respond to—and how.

Who we are is shaped by many factors. Genetics, for example (which we can’t really change), but also our self-image (which we can influence), our life experiences, and—perhaps most importantly—our attitude and the choices we make in response to those experiences. Our friendships matter too, of course. And the other people we, for whatever reason, consider important in our lives.

Relationships never come free. Not even the best ones. They always come with some level of cost or investment.

That’s worth being honest about. We also know how challenging it can be to deal with what we might call a difficult person. Especially if that difficult person happens to be… yourself.

Well, here’s how I see it:

We each carry a rearview mirror—it’s good to look back and ask what’s behind us. Our side mirrors show us who’s walking with us, or not. But don’t forget your blind spot! When was the last time you checked it? I’m talking about those areas of life where we need to stretch, to look harder, to see clearly before making the next crucial decision. And perhaps most important of all, don’t forget your windshield. That’s the view that shows you where you want to go. Who do you want to be? What role do you want to play in community? Focus on what you want to see more of—in yourself, and in others.

If I’m not aware of who I am and how my choices affect others, I could end up damaging my relationships.

That’s why I believe: when I want to improve my readiness for healthy relationships, I have to start with myself.
Yes—me first.

No, that’s not selfishness. On the contrary! It’s a gift I want to give to those around me. Because:

• The first person I need to get to know is myself.
• The first person I need to get along with is myself.
• The first person likely to cause me problems… is myself.
• The first (and only) person I can change is myself.
• The first person who can contribute to better relationships—from my side—is myself.

So: be the kind of person you would want to be around.

The kind of person others will turn to—whether they’re doing well or struggling. The kind of person who can be trusted to handle whatever baggage someone brings with them. The kind who’s willing to carry the load together, and help move things forward.

I’m cheering you on in your pursuit of relationship readiness. And I’m cheering us on—as unique and diverse individuals. Because in our contrasts, in our rough edges, there is a kind of collective creative power that is one of the most beautiful forces on earth.

It lives in that hard-to-handle word: TOGETHER.
And it spells out: R E L A T I O N S H I P S.

So… here’s to us. This could turn out quite beautiful.