DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

I think we’re thinking too narrowly about strengths

That’s why only a few of us ever get to be called “strong.”
The rest? Well, most stand quietly in the background, eyes down, scuffing the gravel when the question comes:

“So, what are your strengths?”

I’ve gone looking for strengths.
I’ve read dozens of lists of what I’d call “personal strengths.” They’re all quite different, but most of them have this in common: they include words we don’t usually count as strengths.
Because we tend to focus on our abilities.
And not nearly enough on our qualities.

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Abilities vs. Qualities

An ability is a competence. Something you’re able to do—a capacity, a skill.
A quality is a trait. A deeper current in who you are. I like that word: current. It runs through you.

Your qualities—what I call your personal strengths—are the things you do almost effortlessly. You don’t even think about them.
And the best part?
They don’t drain your energy. On the contrary—they give you energy, especially when you learn to walk alongside them.

There’s a lot in life we can’t control.
But one thing we always get to choose is what we dwell on—what we give our attention to.

So: Focus on your personal strengths.
And stop wasting energy wishing you had someone else’s.
Or dwelling on the things you wish you were a little better at. That’s not what this piece is about.

This is about the strengths that follow you so naturally through life that you tend to forget they even count as strengths.

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The deep-running traits: The currents

Here’s what I believe: if we can expand the vocabulary of strength, more of us will get to experience what it’s like to lead with what truly energizes us.

I’ll admit something, though: it wasn’t easy finding the words for those deeper currents.
And that frustrated me.
Because these are real strengths. We feel them daily. So why don’t we have better language for them?

So, I went looking.
Thankfully, I had Martin Seligman’s work to lean on—his 24 Character Strengths and Virtues from the book of the same name:

Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
Bravery and Valor
Capacity to Love and Be Loved
Caution, Prudence, and Discretion
Citizenship, Teamwork, and Loyalty
Creativity, Ingenuity, and Originality
Curiosity and Interest in the World
Fairness, Equity, and Justice
Forgiveness and Mercy
Gratitude
Honesty, Authenticity, and Genuineness
Hope, Optimism, and Future-mindedness
Humor and Playfulness
Industry, Diligence, and Perseverance
Judgment, Critical Thinking, and Open-Mindedness
Kindness and Generosity
Leadership
Love of Learning
Modesty and Humility
Perspective and Wisdom
Self-Control and Self-Regulation
Social Intelligence
Spirituality, Sense of Purpose, and Faith
Zest, Enthusiasm, and Energy

Then, in Finding Your Strengths, J.D. Meier offered a different vocabulary—equally worth exploring:

Achiever, Activator, Adaptability, Analytical, Arranger, Belief, Command, Communication, Competition, Connectedness, Context, Deliberative, Developer, Discipline, Empathy, Fairness, Focus, Futuristic, Harmony, Ideation, Inclusiveness, Individualization, Input, Intellection, Learner, Maximizer, Positivity, Relater, Responsibility, Restorative, Self-assurance, Significance, Strategic…

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Try this: Stand in front of the words, like mirrors

I’ve taken to placing these words in front of me like mirrors.
And I watch what they do to me.

Sometimes, honestly, it’s awkward.
Uncomfortable. Even vulnerable.
Because you feel it right away—when a word doesn’t fit. But I try to stand there anyway.
Why?
Because we’ve been taught so much about who we’re not—I figure I owe myself a little time to explore who I might be, beyond the words I’m used to.

And I believe that I have more of these traits in me than I’ve noticed.
More personal strengths.
More deep-running currents.
I just haven’t seen them clearly enough yet to use them—consciously—for the good of others. And yes, for my own good, too.

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Find what energizes you

Whether or not you take anything from this vocabulary-thinking I’ve shared, the most important part is this:

Get curious about what gives you energy.
And understand that it’s not just about your skill set.

Skills fade.
So many of us know the sting of no longer being able to do something we once did easily—whether that’s a physical skill, a mental edge, or a youthful burst of energy.

But your deeper traits?
They stay with you. Like a loyal friend.
Sure, you’ll age. You’ll change. But whatever life throws at you—those traits can grow stronger, more refined, more meaningful over time.

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For me, words have become keys

The more pages I add to this internal vocabulary book, the more I know what to look for—in myself and in others.

It gets easier to search.
To spot new words that feel right.
To try them on, let them shape how I show up, and begin using them intentionally.

And here’s the beautiful part:
You benefit.
So do we.
So does everyone around you.

That’s one of the most beautiful things I know.

So I’m cheering you on.
You are stronger than you think.