Training helps everything, I think. And just as you can train your body, you can develop your mind.
What is a mind?
People who define it say it’s about intellect and consciousness. Your mind is at work when you experience various combinations of thought, perception, memory, emotion, will, and imagination. So it encompasses all the processes in your brain that you’re aware of. Some widen the definition to include the subconscious. Others narrow it to refer only to reasoning processes.
I like to think of the mind as the total flow of consciousness.
Like a fine wine, your mind can improve with age. And like old milk, it can turn sour over time.
What is a beautiful mind?
In the book How to Have a Beautiful Mind, Edward de Bono describes how we can develop a beautiful mind. I really like these points:
- You enjoy exploring ideas together with others
- You appreciate alternative perspectives
- You can find possibilities and alternatives
- When you disagree, you can describe the differences clearly and precisely—so respectfully precise that your opponent could stand next to you and say, «Yes, that’s exactly what I mean!»
- When opinions diverge, you can openly—without jumping to conclusions—explore the basis for the difference
- Instead of seeing only black or white, you can observe shades of gray
- You do your utmost to be actively curious about who the other person is, what they stand for, how they think, and why
- You also make it a point to be interesting to the other’s curiosity—inviting them to discover your side of the disagreement rather than hammering your conclusions.
What underlies a beautiful mind?
If we want to train ourselves to excel at something, it’s wise to lay a foundation first. De Bono presents some attitudes and behaviors that form the basis for a beautiful mind. I think they make great sense:
- Exploring ideas is more beautiful than making a point
- Mild disagreement is more beautiful than aggressive disagreement
- Being interesting is more beautiful than showing you’re smart
How does a beautiful mind show up in finding agreement?
A beautiful mind colors many aspects of our lives—especially in the ways we reach agreement. A beautiful mind will:
- Feel genuine joy in finding agreement (together, rather than winning alone)
- Try to find points of agreement
- Explore the topic rather than argue for a point
- Remove ego from the discussion (we rarely resort to personal attacks, even when we disagree)
- Explore the other person’s “bubble”—what does their world look like in their shoes?
- Identify specific conditions where agreement is possible
- Identify common values: “If I valued X, I would agree.”
- Identify shared experiences: “If I’d experienced Y, I’d see it your way.”
- Be able to disagree with a generalization while agreeing with parts of it
- Know—and communicate—that there’s a whole spectrum between “none” and “all”: nobody, a few, some, many, most, nearly all…
How does a beautiful mind show in ways of disagreement?
A beautiful mind leaves its trace in the ways we disagree. A beautiful mind will:
- Not treat differences of opinion as people being bad
- Challenge their own certainty by proposing the possibility of agreeing just outside their comfort zone
- Distinguish between having an opinion and disagreeing with an opinion
- Identify the sources of differences: experience, values, focus, perspective, etc.—this prevents endless loops without real clarity
- Remember that “best” depends on how you define it: simplest, fastest, cheapest, most durable, most elegant, etc.
- Map out the differences in the two perspectives
- Map out differences in personal preferences—e.g. they may be based on different sets of values
- Communicate that your experience may differ—without undermining the other person’s truth
- Acknowledge that you may have different views on what will happen next
- Explore differences in experiences: e.g., you may share a situation but interpret it differently
Why is being interesting—and showing interest—important to a beautiful mind?
When Edward de Bono discusses developing a beautiful mind, he emphasizes being interesting. A beautiful mind will:
- Choose to be interesting rather than just smart
- Talk about what you’re good at and what interests you
- Adapt your message to the listener—whether they know nothing or already know something and want more
- By being interesting instead of being combative about your own opinions, you invite the other to explore your world. By showing genuine curiosity, you can make important discoveries in theirs. Maybe you agree more than you thought?
A beautiful mind loves real conflict!
No matter the approach, we won’t avoid disagreements in life. That’s not the goal here. But I want us to truly disagree when we disagree—avoiding shadowboxing, kicking in open doors, beating around the bush, or labeling each other.
It’s okay to disagree. It’s very okay to check whether we actually are disagreeing, and what the basis is. Let’s have real disagreements.
I’m a bit strange. My great passion is all that happens in and between people. Humanity fascinates me deeply. And I love real conflict! Disagreements existed long before we gave them a voice, but once we do speak, we can tackle them—together, concretely, constructively, and with a beautiful mind.
One way to better understand disagreement is to map its scope:
De Bono shows we have many ways to disagree:
- It’s simply wrong…
- It’s possible, but not certain…
- It’s only one of many alternatives…
- It aligns with your experience, not mine…
- It matches your values, not mine…
- It’s right for you, not for me…
- It’s based on feelings and quick judgments…
- It’s based on selective perception—there’s more to see and say…
- The conclusion doesn’t follow from the facts you presented…
- It’s a possible view of the future, but there are others…
A beautiful mind checks facts—first.
A final tip (that perhaps should’ve come earlier): Fact-check before entering disagreements!
If it’s a factual difference, just verify the facts.
If it’s not about facts, then you must respond…
DREIESKIVA|Roald Kvam 
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