DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

It’s not a universal law that “good things come to those who wait.” Nor is it guaranteed that good things happen to good people.

People say, “Shit happens!” But no—it’s life that happens.

As coaches, guiding others through different life processes, we sometimes get a little carried away and say, “Live life on your own terms!” That sounds refreshing, doesn’t it? But we must not forget that life has a say in the matter. You and I can make the most well-thought-out plans, looking perfect on a screen or in our minds. And then—life takes an unexpected left turn when we were sure we were heading right…

What do we do then?

We all carry a more or less well-equipped toolbox of life principles, tips, and tricks—things we’ve picked up along the way from our parents, friends, teachers, hairdressers, or even our football coaches. But then there are those defining moments—the ones we never planned for or asked for. Unimaginable pain. Setbacks. Failures. Loss.

The life rules we grew up with—»If you just do this, then that will happen»—take a serious hit.

Life itself teaches us that it is a lot, but it is not fair. Bad things happen to good people. And—frustratingly—good things happen to bad people. It teaches us that not everything happens for a higher purpose. Some things are just… unfair.

And that, my friend, is why we should listen to what life itself has to say. I’m serious. Listen: The bad stuff is part of the concept of «life.» It happens. And listen: Bad is just bad. We don’t have to wrap it in a neat package of higher meaning. We don’t have to shove our feelings under the “pull-yourself-together” rug. We don’t have to force a deep breath and put on a fake smile, saying, “It’ll all be fine in the end.”

I’m not saying we should dwell in the darker parts of life. No, this is about facing the tough stuff. And that always starts with acknowledging just how tough it really is. Too often, we rush toward false comfort: “Well, this must be for a greater good—I don’t see it now, but one day I will…” Or we push forward stubbornly, putting on an exhausting performance of forced bravery that only robs us of the ability to hear what life is actually saying… and offering… even in the middle of the mess.

How can we be honest about the hard stuff and still find the courage and strength to keep going when the life we thought we signed up for is not the one we got?

The most important thing life has taught me so far is this: We live through.

Even the darkest moments can offer something valuable—as we live through. Not by running away. Not by denying them. Not by dressing them up as something they are not. These moments can deepen us, steady us, expand our perspective, and even bring unexpected joy in and through sorrow. But only if we listen when life speaks…

What does life say when it speaks?

I know—it sounds strange to say, «Life speaks.» But for me, I listen for what is real, what is grounded, and what offers active help to get through what is happening right here and now. Not where I thought I’d be. Not where I “should” be. Not “if only.” No, I listen for what actually meets me in my needs where I am, for real.

Here’s what life has told me:

• Life is not 2+2=4. It doesn’t follow neat formulas. It’s paradoxical, full of contradictions.
• Life writes new chapters. You are more than your last page. Keep your heart open—what’s waiting for you around the next bend?
• Life makes no deals. There are no pre-signed contracts promising smooth steps from A to B. Life happens, and you must live it.
• Running from reality never helps. People who truly embrace life walk in truth and live through what actually is—good and bad, beautiful and ugly, right and wrong.
• Life is designed to break you. We are all heading toward death. Along the way, life will let us die in many ways—small and big crises, heartbreak, loss, disappointments, betrayals, and shattered dreams.
• Life invites you to dance with reality. You’ll be led, spun, thrown, caught, stretched—you’ll lose your breath and struggle to keep rhythm. But you’re dancing!
• «Things take time» is actually true. Especially when something needs to be repaired.
• Love is listening. Everything we try to build together on this planet depends on one thing: our ability to truly listen to each other.
• You never really «finish» anything. Everything that happens leaves a mark. We can move forward, yes, but the past remains a part of our story. It can be a source of wisdom, but also of sorrow. Either way, life keeps speaking—through what we live and what we’ve lived through.
• Life never hands over control. Sometimes, you must let go of the goal on your right and follow life’s unexpected turn to the left. It may be different than what you planned—but that doesn’t mean it won’t be good.
• Life loves laughter. Just like physical activity benefits everything, adding more joy to everyday life is always a good idea. Life thrives in the ridiculous.
• Breakdowns can hold the seeds of breakthroughs. Not always. But sometimes, in the ruins of what we worked for, there are building blocks for something new and beautiful.
• To live is to change. Life is never static. Like all living organisms, we grow within the conditions we’re given. So we might as well learn to embrace change—become friends with chaos.
• Life is both strong and fragile at the same time. We can’t fully protect ourselves from harm. But we can practice listening to life where we are—balancing our resources and vulnerabilities with sharp awareness of our reality.

Above all, life has told me this:

Live. Don’t just survive until you die. – Roald

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Source & Inspiration: The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life’s Terms with Your Own (Ken Druck, Ph.D)