DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Life is a journey, a continuous story of becoming. Along this path, we often encounter moments that challenge us to redefine who we are. One of the most profound truths to grasp in the course of this journey is captured in this phrase:

«I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.»

These words are a beacon of hope and empowerment, reminding us that our past does not dictate our future, and that we hold the power to shape our destiny. This essay explores the profound implications of this statement, delving into themes of personal responsibility, resilience, and the transformative power of choice.

The Weight of the Past

Everyone carries the weight of their experiences. These experiences – whether joyful or painful, ordinary or extraordinary – form the backdrop of our lives. For some, the past is a source of strength and pride, filled with moments that inspire confidence. For others, it is a repository of pain, regret, and trauma. When we allow ourselves to be defined solely by what has happened to us, we risk becoming prisoners of our own history.

Traumatic events, in particular, can leave deep scars. They might shake our sense of identity, security, and purpose. Yet, while these events shape us, they do not have to define us. The human spirit has an extraordinary capacity for resilience. By acknowledging the past without becoming its captive, we can begin the process of transformation.

The Power of Choice

Central to the idea of becoming is the concept of choice. While we cannot control everything that happens to us, we have control over how we respond. This fundamental freedom is what makes us uniquely human. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Choosing who we become is an act of reclaiming that freedom. It involves deliberate effort and self-reflection. It requires us to confront our fears, challenge our limiting beliefs, and step out of the shadows of past failures or injustices. This choice is not always easy. It can be tempting to blame circumstances or other people for our shortcomings. Yet, when we take ownership of our lives, we unlock the potential to redefine ourselves.

Resilience: Rising from Adversity

Resilience is the cornerstone of becoming. It is the ability to adapt, recover, and grow stronger in the face of adversity. Resilience does not mean ignoring the pain of the past; rather, it involves learning from it and using it as a foundation for growth.

Consider the stories of individuals who have overcome immense challenges. Nelson Mandela, for instance, spent 27 years in prison for his fight against apartheid. He emerged not as a man consumed by bitterness, but as a leader committed to reconciliation and unity. His life exemplifies the idea that we are not defined by what happens to us but by how we choose to respond.

Similarly, countless ordinary people have faced extraordinary hardships and emerged stronger. A survivor of abuse who becomes an advocate for others, or someone who overcomes addiction to help others find recovery – these are powerful examples of choosing to become something greater than one’s past.

Letting Go of Victimhood

To embrace the idea that «I am what I choose to become,» we must let go of the victim mentality. This does not mean denying that we have been hurt or wronged. It is natural and necessary to acknowledge pain and seek justice when appropriate. However, clinging to victimhood keeps us tethered to the past and limits our growth.

Letting go of victimhood requires a shift in mindset. It involves reframing our narrative from one of helplessness to one of empowerment. Instead of saying, «This happened to me, and now I can’t succeed,» we might say, «This happened to me, and it taught me valuable lessons that I can use to move forward.»

The Role of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often a key step in the journey of becoming. This does not mean excusing harmful behavior or forgetting past wrongs. Rather, it involves releasing the hold that anger, resentment, or bitterness has on us. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, freeing us to focus on the future rather than remaining trapped in the past.

By forgiving others – and ourselves – we create space for healing and growth. It allows us to rewrite our stories, not as victims but as empowered individuals capable of overcoming and thriving.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Choosing who we become is also a process of self-discovery. It requires us to ask fundamental questions: Who am I? What do I value? What kind of life do I want to lead? These questions guide us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves and help us align our choices with our true selves.

Self-discovery often involves stepping out of our comfort zones. It might mean pursuing a new career, ending toxic relationships, or adopting healthier habits. It requires courage and a willingness to embrace uncertainty. Yet, as we take these steps, we uncover strengths and possibilities we never knew existed.

Building a Vision for the Future

To become what we choose, we must have a vision for the future. This vision acts as a compass, guiding our decisions and actions. It helps us stay focused and motivated, even when faced with setbacks.

Creating a vision involves setting goals that reflect our values and aspirations. These goals can be both short-term and long-term, ranging from personal development to professional achievements. By breaking these goals into actionable steps, we make the process of becoming more manageable.

The Transformative Power of Hope

Hope is a vital ingredient in the process of becoming. It is the belief that change is possible and that the future holds promise. Hope inspires us to keep going, even when the path is difficult.

Psychologist Charles Snyder, known for his work on hope theory, identified three components of hope: goals, pathways, and agency. Goals give us direction, pathways provide strategies to achieve those goals, and agency is the belief in our ability to succeed. By nurturing hope, we cultivate the strength to pursue our dreams and overcome obstacles.

The Ripple Effect of Transformation

When we choose to become the best versions of ourselves, the impact extends beyond our own lives. Our transformation can inspire and uplift others. A teacher who overcomes adversity to mentor students, or a community leader who uses their experiences to drive positive change, demonstrates the ripple effect of choosing to become.

Moreover, by living authentically and with purpose, we contribute to a world where others feel empowered to do the same. Our stories of resilience and growth become a source of hope and motivation for those around us.

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«I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become» is a powerful affirmation of human agency and potential. It reminds us that while we cannot change the past, we have the power to shape our future. By embracing resilience, letting go of victimhood, and building a vision for the future, we can transcend our circumstances and become the architects of our own lives.

This journey of becoming is not without challenges, but it is also filled with opportunities for growth and fulfillment. Each choice we make – no matter how small – is a step toward the person we aspire to be. In the end, our lives are not defined by what has happened to us but by the choices we make and the courage we muster to pursue a brighter future.