DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

It is a fundamental human tendency to view ourselves through an idealized lens, crafting narratives that reflect who we aspire to be. This imagined version of ourselves forms our «I am» self-image. In this version – or say at this level – we see ourselves as ethical, empathetic, reasonable, and aligned with our highest values. This identity, often rooted in aspiration rather than reality, provides comfort, bolsters self-esteem, and gives us a sense of direction. However, beneath this polished self-perception lies the «second strata,» a deeper layer where our true behaviors, subconscious motivations, and contradictions reside.

The gap between our idealized self and the reality of our actions is where authentic self-awareness begins…

Discovering this second strata is essential for personal growth, integrity, and genuine relationships. By integrating these layers of our identity, we can move closer to becoming our true selves – complex, imperfect, and profoundly human.

The «I Am» Self-Image

The «I am» self-image represents the story we tell ourselves about who we are. It is deeply tied to our values and the qualities we strive to embody. For instance, someone might identify as compassionate, hardworking, or honest. This narrative often reflects societal ideals or personal aspirations that provide a sense of stability and purpose.

We build an idealized self-image because it provide:

• Psychological Comfort: The «I am» narrative helps us make sense of our experiences, aligning them with a coherent identity.
• Motivation: It encourages us to act in ways that uphold our values, reinforcing our sense of morality and purpose.
• Social Acceptance: A positive self-image aligns with societal expectations, allowing us to navigate relationships and roles effectively.

However, this idealized image is rarely a complete or accurate portrayal of who we truly are. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and self-serving bias, shape this narrative, filtering out behaviors or motivations that challenge it.

One significant component of the «I am» self-image is how we idealize our motives. For instance, helping a colleague may be framed as pure altruism, even if a desire for recognition or future reciprocation also plays a role. Similarly, a confrontation might be justified as upholding justice, while underlying motivations like a need for control or unresolved anger remain unacknowledged.

This idealization allows us to maintain a sense of moral superiority and emotional comfort, shielding us from the discomfort of confronting more self-serving or complex motivations.

The Second Strata

The second strata is where the unfiltered truth resides… It encompasses our actual behaviors, subconscious drives, and the less flattering aspects of our personality that we often suppress or overlook. Exploring this deeper layer reveals the gap between the self we aspire to be and the self we presently are.

At the second strata, contradictions emerge:

• The person who identifies as kind may discover moments of impatience or judgment.
• The individual who values honesty might recognize instances of rationalized dishonesty or self-deception.
• The leader who prides themselves on inclusivity may uncover implicit biases or tendencies to exclude dissenting voices.

These discrepancies are not failures but reflections of our complexity as humans. Motivations are rarely pure; they are shaped by an intricate mix of conscious desires, subconscious fears, and social conditioning. Recognizing this complexity is the first step toward self-awareness.

Discovering the second strata requires vulnerability and courage, and it’s not uncommon for people to resist this process. Here are some potential drivers behind our resistens against this process:

Cognitive Dissonance: Acknowledging inconsistencies between our self-image and actions creates cognitive dissonance – a psychological discomfort that arises when reality conflicts with our beliefs. To resolve this, we often rationalize or dismiss evidence that challenges our idealized narrative.

Fear of Vulnerability: Exploring the second strata means confronting flaws and imperfections, which can feel threatening to the ego. It requires admitting that we are not always as wise, kind, or ethical as we wish to be.

Cultural and Social Conditioning: Societal norms often reward conformity to idealized roles, discouraging self-exploration. Leaders, for instance, may feel pressured to project confidence and decisiveness, even when grappling with self-doubt.

Lack of Awareness: Many people simply lack the tools or support to engage in meaningful self-reflection, leaving the second strata unexplored.

Bridging the Gap: Tools for Self-Discovery

Discovering the second strata is not about dismantling the «I am» self-image but integrating it with a deeper, more authentic understanding of ourselves.

The following practices can help:

1. Pause… to Reflect

Develop the habit of observing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment. Notice patterns and triggers that reveal discrepancies between your idealized self and your actions.

2. Seek Honest Feedback

Trusted friends, family, or mentors can offer valuable insights into your blind spots. Their perspectives can highlight behaviors or attitudes you may not recognize in yourself.

3. Journaling

Writing about your experiences, motivations, and internal conflicts can uncover hidden layers of thought and feeling. It provides a space for honest reflection.

4. Therapy or Coaching

Working with a therapist or coach offers a supportive environment for exploring the second strata. These professionals can guide you through difficult emotions and help you integrate self-awareness into daily life.

Feel free to reach out to http://www.dreieskiva.com for course and coaching.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Approach self-discovery with kindness rather than judgment. Recognize that being human means being imperfect and that growth arises from understanding and accepting all parts of yourself.

The Benefits of Embracing the Second Strata

1. Greater Authenticity

Integrating the second strata allows you to live more authentically. By aligning your actions with your values, you reduce the gap between perception and reality.

2. Deeper Relationships

Honesty with yourself fosters genuine connections with others. Vulnerability builds trust and empathy, strengthening your relationships.

3. Enhanced Growth

Exploring the second strata frees you from rigid self-concepts, opening the door to continuous learning and self-improvement. Instead of clinging to an idealized image, you can focus on becoming a more self-aware and compassionate person.

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The journey from the idealized self-image to the second strata is one of courage, humility, and growth. It challenges us to confront the gap between who we think we are and who we truly are, offering an opportunity for deeper self-understanding.

By integrating these layers of identity, we move closer to authenticity, creating lives rooted in integrity and purpose. In doing so, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute to a more honest and compassionate world. The path may be challenging, but the rewards are profound – greater self-awareness, stronger relationships, and the freedom to embrace our complexity as humans.