DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Our personality, with its complexities, strengths, and flaws, can be understood as a dynamic system shaped by two powerful forces: our basic fear and our basic desire. These twin elements underpin much of our behavior, both conscious and unconscious. Intriguingly, our entire personality structure often functions as a way of fleeing from our basic fear, while simultaneously misdirecting our attempts to fulfill our basic desire.

This paradox highlights a profound truth: our egos, despite their relentless striving, cannot satisfy our deepest needs…

True fulfillment is only possible when we transcend the ego and turn to what some call presence – the fundamental ground of our being. By examining these ideas more deeply, we can begin to understand the transformative process of moving to the liberation where our basic desire is finally realized.

The Core Dynamics: Basic Fear and Basic Desire

At the root of every personality is a Basic Fear, a central anxiety that colors our worldview and motivates much of our behavior. This fear often stems from a perceived disconnection from our core as human being, I think, leaving us feeling vulnerable, incomplete, or inadequate. For instance:

• Someone might have a Basic Fear of being unloved, leading them to seek constant validation in relationships.
• Another might fear being powerless, driving them to pursue control and authority relentlessly.

Paired with our Basic Fear is our Basic Desire – the longing to address that fear and reclaim a sense of wholeness. Basic Desires are universal, transcending individual differences, and may include desires for love, significance, autonomy, or peace.

However, rather than pursuing these desires authentically, we often act wrongly upon them. This happens because the ego misinterprets the source of fulfillment, mistakenly believing it can be found through external achievements, relationships, or possessions.

The Flight from Basic Fear

Our personality structure develops as a defense mechanism against Basic Fear. This «flight» manifests in patterns of behavior, thought, and emotion that aim to protect us from feeling vulnerable. While these patterns may initially help us cope, they often become rigid and self-defeating over time.

For example:

• A person whose Basic Fear is insignificance might develop a personality centered around achievement, constantly striving for recognition. This drive, while outwardly successful, may lead to burnout and an underlying sense of emptiness.
• Another individual might fear conflict, leading them to avoid difficult conversations and suppress their true feelings, ultimately harming their relationships.

In fleeing our Basic Fear, we distance ourselves from our authentic selves. Instead of addressing the root cause of our fear, we create elaborate coping strategies that only reinforce the ego’s illusions.

The Ego’s Misguided Quest for Basic Desire

The ego’s attempts to fulfill our Basic Desire are similarly flawed. While the ego is adept at pursuing external rewards, it cannot access the deeper fulfillment that resides within our core as human being.

Consider the example of someone whose Basic Desire is to feel loved. The ego might interpret this desire as a need for external validation, leading the person to seek love through approval, admiration, or attention. Yet, these pursuits rarely satisfy because they fail to address the deeper longing for unconditional love – a love that can only be experienced when one reconnects with their own core.

The astonishing realization is that we already have what we are seeking, but we have forgotten where to look. Our Basic Desire is not something to be achieved or acquired; it is a state of being that emerges when we align with our true core nature and value.

The Road to Freedom

The journey to the liberation involves recognizing the limitations of the ego and rediscovering our connection to our core as human being, with presence. This process requires deep self-awareness, a willingness to confront our fears, and a shift from external striving to internal alignment.

1. Recognizing Ego Patterns

The first step is to become aware of the ego’s patterns. This involves observing how we respond to Basic Fear and how we attempt to fulfill Basic Desire. Without judgment, we can begin to see how these patterns shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions.

For instance:

• Do you notice a tendency to overwork or seek constant validation?
• Are there recurring conflicts or situations that reveal your underlying fears?

2. Accepting Our Limitations

Part of this process is accepting that the ego, for all its efforts, cannot resolve our deepest needs. This realization is not a failure but a gateway to transformation. By surrendering the ego’s control, we create space for presence to emerge.

3. Turning Toward Presence

Presence is the crucial to reconnect with our core as human being, I think. Because it is the part of us that exists beyond the ego – unchanging, whole, and deeply connected. By cultivating awareness of presence, we begin to experience the fulfillment of our Basic Desire not as something external but as an inherent part of who we are.

Reclaiming Our Basic Desire

Freedom is at hand when we realize that our Basic Desire has been with us all along. This liberation does not mean the absence of fear or longing but a shift in how we relate to them. Instead of running from fear or seeking fulfillment outside ourselves, we anchor ourselves in the truth of our core nature and value as human being.

For example:

• The desire for love is fulfilled as we connect with the unconditional love that flows from our presence, from deep self-awareness.
• The longing for significance is met as we recognize our inherent worth, independent of achievements or validation.

This state of freedom is not about perfection or the absence of struggle. It is about living authentically, free from the ego’s illusions and fully aligned with our true nature and value.

Practical Steps Toward Freedom

1. Mindful Observation: Regularly reflect on your patterns of fear and desire. Journaling, pause (Light a candle!), or therapy can help you uncover deeper insights.
2. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness as you navigate this journey. The process of unlearning ego-driven behaviors takes time and patience.
3. Spiritual Practice: Engage in practices that connect you to presence, such as pause, prayer, scripture and time in nature; pure beauty.
4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people or communities that encourage authenticity and growth.

— — —

The Road to Freedom is not about becoming someone new; it is about returning to who we have always been. It’s like coming to your senses, for real. Or: Coming home, to yourself. By understanding how our personality structures arise from Basic Fear and Basic Desire, we can begin to see the ego’s limitations and turn toward the deeper fulfillment found in presence – deep self-awareness.

When we reconnect with our core as human being, we discover that what we have been seeking is already within us; as if it is a birthright! In this realization lies the true liberation that transcends fear, fulfills desire, and aligns us with the profound truth of our being.

Welcome home!