DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, «They’ve got it all together»? Perhaps it’s a coworker who never seems stressed in meetings, a friend who always smiles despite life’s challenges, or a stranger whose composure makes you wonder what their secret is.

But here’s a truth that lingers beneath the surface:

Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.

This quote is a powerful reminder of the unseen burdens that people bear. It challenges us to look beyond appearances and acknowledge that everyone, no matter how composed they seem, carries something heavy. The weight of that burden may not always be visible, but it’s real nonetheless.

In a world that often equates success with outward composure, many of us feel the need to mask our struggles. We juggle responsibilities, deadlines, relationships, and expectations, sometimes feeling like the only way to move forward is to suppress the weight of it all.

But appearances are deceiving. The coworker who delivers a flawless presentation might be battling crippling self-doubt. The friend who seems endlessly cheerful might be navigating personal grief. And you? You might be carrying more than you allow yourself to acknowledge.

This truth applies universally – whether in personal relationships, at work, or even in casual interactions. The struggles we face often remain hidden, either because we choose not to share them or because societal norms discourage vulnerability.

Jumping to conclusions about someone’s situation based on their outward demeanor can be harmful. When we assume that others have it easy, we inadvertently downplay their challenges and miss opportunities to connect with empathy. This can create a culture where vulnerability is avoided, and genuine understanding is replaced with judgment or envy.

For example:

• In the workplace, a high-performing colleague might seem like they’re thriving, but behind the scenes, they could be dealing with burnout or personal struggles.
• At home, a family member who rarely asks for help might be silently hoping for support, unsure of how to express their needs.

Our assumptions about others not only hinder empathy but also prevent us from building deeper, more supportive relationships.

So, what can we do? The answer lies in choosing grace – both for others and for ourselves.

When someone’s actions or demeanor seem puzzling, take a moment to consider what might lie beneath the surface. Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask yourself:

• What might they be carrying that I can’t see?
• How can I offer support instead of judgment?

Sometimes, people don’t need solutions – they just need to be heard. By creating a space for open and judgment-free conversation, you can help lighten someone’s emotional load.

It’s not just others who carry hidden weights; you do too… Acknowledge your struggles and practice self-compassion. Remember that handling something well doesn’t mean it’s easy or that you’re immune to its effects.

In workplaces, families, and communities, strive to normalize vulnerability. Encourage honest conversations about challenges, and celebrate resilience rather than perfection.

A little more empathy can go a long way. In workplaces, it can build stronger teams, foster trust, and reduce burnout. In relationships, it can deepen connections and create a safe space for vulnerability. And on a personal level, practicing empathy can reduce the pressure to present an unrealistic facade of strength.

When we embrace the idea that everyone carries something, we become more mindful, more present, and more supportive. This shift not only benefits those around us but also helps us feel more connected and grounded in our own lives.

The next time you see someone who seems to have it all together, pause and remember: appearances can be deceiving. Their calm exterior might be masking a weight that’s heavier than you can imagine.d

And when you feel the weight of your own burdens, remind yourself: it’s okay to carry something heavy, and it’s okay to let others see the strain. True strength lies not in hiding our struggles but in acknowledging them, with grace.

Let’s choose empathy – for others and for ourselves.