DREIESKIVA​|Roald Kvam

Life often feels like a series of actions and reactions, a relentless cycle where we’re propelled by our thoughts, emotions, and circumstances. In this whirlwind, it can be difficult to pause, observe, and understand ourselves. Yet, the simple act of pausing to observe without judgment holds profound transformative power…

By stepping back, resisting the urge to act impulsively or suppress our inner workings, and merely watching our thoughts and feelings arise, we invite a new level of awareness into our lives.

This process is not about forcefully changing who we are but about letting change unfold naturally through understanding and awareness.

Observing Without Judgment

The first step in the practice of pausing is learning to observe ourselves without judgment. This is easier said than done. Our minds are often wired to evaluate and criticize, especially when we feel we’re not living up to our own expectations. But judgment creates resistance, and resistance keeps us stuck.

To observe without judgment means acknowledging our experiences and emotions exactly as they are, without labeling them as good or bad. By becoming present with what arises in us – whether it’s anger, fear, joy, or sadness – we create a space where self-awareness can flourish.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

When we observe without judgment, we occupy that space Frankl describes. Instead of reacting out of habit or suppressing our feelings, we simply notice…

Letting Go of Willpower

One of the misconceptions about personal growth is that it requires force – sheer willpower to push through obstacles or change undesirable traits. While willpower has its place, it’s not the key to lasting transformation. Effortful self-control often leads to burnout or an internal tug-of-war where suppressed impulses eventually resurface.

The pause invites us to let go of this struggle…

Instead of trying to force change, we can simply allow ourselves to be as we are, repeatedly observing our patterns and behaviors. Over time, as we see these patterns clearly and deeply, they begin to lose their grip on us.

To pause does not mean inaction but rather effortless action – allowing things to unfold naturally without resistance or force. By practicing «not doing» we take action towards a greater awareness of our inner world.

Understanding the Real Struggle

The real struggle, paradoxically, is to relax.

Relaxation doesn’t mean passivity; it means stepping out of the battle with ourselves. The mind is constantly busy – analyzing, judging, planning – and this busyness often obscures deeper truths.

By relaxing into awareness, we create the conditions for insight to emerge.

This process can feel uncomfortable at first because it requires us to confront parts of ourselves we might prefer to ignore. Automatic impulses, suppressed emotions, and deeply ingrained habits often come to the surface. But instead of acting on these impulses or pushing them away, we can observe them with curiosity.

Why Do Impulses Arise?

Every impulse, emotion, or thought arises for a reason. By observing without interference, we begin to see the underlying causes:

• A flash of anger might stem from unmet needs or past wounds.
• A desire to procrastinate might signal fear of failure or perfectionism.
• Persistent worry could be a habitual response to uncertainty.

The magic of the pause is that it reveals these hidden dynamics. We no longer see our thoughts and feelings as random or inexplicable but as manifestations of our personality shaped by past experiences and current circumstances.

The Transformative Power of Awareness

Awareness, cultivated through observation, is inherently transformative. Once we see a pattern clearly, it begins to shift. This shift happens not because we force it but because awareness itself is a kind of light that dissolves ignorance.

Consider the analogy of a shadow: in darkness, it looms large and intimidating. But when we shine a light on it, the shadow loses its power. Similarly, when we shine the light of awareness on our inner workings, the things that once controlled us – fear, anger, self-doubt – begin to lose their hold.

Examples of Change Through Awareness

1. Emotional Regulation: Instead of being swept away by anger, someone practicing the pause might notice the anger rising, acknowledge it, and let it pass without acting on it. Over time, this practice can reduce the intensity and frequency of anger.
2. Breaking Habits: A person struggling with overeating might pause before reaching for a snack, observe the craving, and recognize it as a response to stress rather than hunger. This awareness can naturally lead to healthier choices.
3. Improved Relationships: By pausing during conflicts, we can respond with empathy rather than reacting defensively.

The Role of Self-Compassion

A crucial aspect of observing without judgment is self-compassion. When we beat ourselves up for our perceived flaws or failures, we create an inner environment of tension and resistance.

Self-compassion allows us to approach our imperfections with kindness.

Psychologist Kristin Neff, researcher on self-compassion, explains that treating ourselves with the same care we would offer a friend in distress fosters resilience and emotional well-being.

Self-compassion is not about excusing our mistakes but about acknowledging our humanity.

Practical Ways to Harness the Power of the Pause

1. Practice

NIKE IT: Just Do It! Practice pauses as a the powerful tool it is for cultivating awareness. Even a few minutes a day of sitting quietly and observing your breath can help you develop the habit of pausing and observing without judgment.

2. Journaling

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you understand your patterns and triggers. It creates a space to explore what’s happening internally without the need to act on it immediately.

3. Use Reminders

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget to pause. Visual cues – such as a sticky note with the word «pause» or you wear a special ring – can serve as gentle reminders to step back and observe.

4. Embrace Curiosity

Approach your inner experiences with the curiosity of a scientist studying a fascinating phenomenon. Ask yourself questions like:

• «What am I feeling right now?»
• «Where is this emotion coming from?»
• «What happens if I simply sit with this feeling without trying to change it?»

The Ripple Effects of Pausing

The benefits of pausing extend beyond our inner lives. When we become less reactive and more aware, it positively impacts our relationships, work, and overall well-being. We develop greater patience, empathy, and clarity, making us better equipped to navigate life’s complexities.

The pause also connects us to a deeper sense of presence. By stepping out of the autopilot mode, we can fully engage with the present moment, finding beauty and meaning in everyday experiences.

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The power of the pause lies in its simplicity.

By observing ourselves without judgment, we create space for awareness and transformation. There is no need to force change or battle our impulses; the mere act of noticing is enough.

Over time, this practice helps us relax into a greater awareness of who we are. By neither acting on our automatic impulses nor suppressing them, we uncover the root causes of our thoughts and behaviors. This understanding allows change to unfold naturally, effortlessly, and authentically.

In a world that often urges us to act quickly and decisively, the pause reminds us that sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply observe.